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[[File:Woman with Chest Pain.jpg|300px|thumb|right]]
Ahhh, '''chest pain'''. My favorite, your favorite. '''Chest pain''' can range from benign to completely lethal, which is why health care professionals often develop sympathy '''chest pain''' when evaluating the patient with '''chest pain'''.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2017/07/troponin-bump/ Intern Has Mild Troponin Bump Over Patient’s Mild Troponin Bump (Gomerblog)]</ref> The differential diagnosis for '''chest pain''' is a long one. Buckle up and here we go! '''Etiologies'''----It is best to divide the causes of '''chest pain''' into systems: cardiac, pulmonary, gastrointestinal, musculoskeletal, hematologic, psychiatric, and other bullsh*t. '''''Cardiac''''' - The old ticker is potentially a ticking time bomb, and that's we have to take it seriously. The list of cardiac causes runs long: * Myocardial ischemia - This results from [[Supply-Demand Mismatch|supply-demand mismatch]] or someone scaring the sh*t out of you.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/10/jason-masks/ New Surgical Jason Masks Loved by Nurses, Doctors (Gomerblog)]</ref>* Aortic dissection - If you can avoid dissecting your [[Aorta|aorta]], we highly recommend it.* Pericardiitis - We recommend against heart inflammation.* Heart failure - Not just CHF exacerbation, but CHF exasperation as well.* Arrhythmia - This can include A-fib, B-fib, C-fib, V-tach, W, tach, and X-tach. '''''Pulmonary''''' - This list is pretty damn long too. The lungs hate playing second fiddle to the heart, so it has nice list of its own: * Pneumonia - ''See [[Pneumonia]].''* Pneumothorax - Blame the intern who did it.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2017/07/july-intern-pneumothorax/ July Intern Really Excited to Cause His Very First Pneumothorax (Gomerblog)]</ref>* Pulmonary embolism - ''See [[Pulmonary Embolism]].''* Reacting airway disease - Includes asthma and [[COPD]]. Tell those lungs to stop overreacting. '''''Gastrointestinal''''' - That sneaky esophagus and stomach sit right behind the heart. * GERD, gastritis, or peptic ulcer disease (PUD) - All from the dreaded PPI deficiency.* Esophagitis - May be infectious ([[Voltaire's Candida|''Candida'']]), noninfectious (eosinophilic), or something else (swallowed a sword)<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2017/06/sword-swallower-reflux/ Sword Swallower Wondering Why He Has Reflux All of a Sudden (Gomerblog)]</ref>* Esophageal spasm - A [[Charlie Horse|Charlie horse]] of the swallowing tube.* Boerhaave syndrome - It's better to Boerhaaven't than Boerhaave. '''''Musculoskeletal''''' - A history and reproducible tenderness to palpation on exam here is overrated. *Costochondritis - The most common.*Costcochondritis - The most common form of musculoskeletal pain in a Costco.*Trauma - Includes falling on your chest, donkey kicking you in the chest, ninja kicking you in the chest, actually elephant standing on your chest. '''''Psychiatric''''' - This list isn't too long. *Panic attack - See? Just panic attack. Not a long list at all.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/11/xanax-election-day/ Breaking: Xanax Prescriptions Skyrocket for Election Day (Gomerblog)]</ref> '''''Other bullsh*t''''' - Way more common than we'd like. *Chest pain as a result of waiting too long in the ER<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2013/08/tired-of-waiting-patient-develops-chest-pain-in-er/ Tired of Waiting, Patient Develops “Chest Pain” in ER (Gomerblog)]</ref>*Chest pain as a complaint to somehow score narcotics*Recent [[Titty Twist|titty twist]]<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/11/titty-twist-pain-stimulus/ Study: Titty Twist Better Pain Stimulus Than Sternal Rub (Gomerblog)]</ref>*Thoracic gout - Gotta think outside the box right?*Syphilis - You just never know.*Still's disease - A [[Differential Diagnosis|differential diagnosis]] is never complete without it.