Laws of the House of God

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I. Gomers don't die.

II. Gomers go to ground.

III. At a cardiac arrest, the first procedure is to take your own pulse.[1]

IV. The patient is the one with the disease.

V. Placement comes first.[2][3][4][5]

VI. There is no body cavity that cannot be reached with #14 needle and a good strong arm.

VII. Age + BUN = Lasix dose.

VIII. They can always hurt you more.

IX. The only good admission is a dead admission.[6]

X. If you don't take a temperature, you can't find a fever.

XI. Show me a BMS who only triples my work and I will kiss his feet.

XII. If the radiology resident and the BMS both see a lesion on the chest X ray, there can be no lesion there.

XIII. The delivery of medical care is to do as much nothing as possible.


Think you know them all? Then try this quiz! Do You Know the Laws of the House of God?

2016 Updated Laws of the House of God

Refer to the following page to see the 2016 Updated Laws of the House of God.

Related Reading

- Card-Flip

- Dead, dead, dead, dead...

- Death

- How do I pronounce a patient dead?

- Pager

- Placement

- Rose Room

- Three-by-Five Index Card

- Turf


  1. Med Student Figures Out Heart Rate: Count Beats in a Day, Divide by 24 Then Again by 60 (Gomerblog)
  2. Placement Tips: How to Place a Patient on the Moon (Gomerblog)
  3. Patient Admitted for Placement Exacerbation (Gomerblog)
  4. “Hospital Medicine” Renamed “Placement Medicine” (Gomerblog)
  5. Placement: A Hospitalist’s Perspective (Gomerblog)
  6. Nurse Keeps Dead Patient to Prevent Another Admission (Gomerblog)

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