A List of Things We Can Comfortably Blame Anesthesia For

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  • Acid-base disorders
  • Alex Ovechkin's inability to bring home the Stanley Cup
  • Any surgical case that runs long[1]
  • Atrocious vaginitis
  • Benghazi[2]
  • Bad coffee
  • Bad Wi-Fi connection
  • The betrayal of Jesus by Judas
  • Bounce back or readmission
  • Bowties
  • Cat Scratch Fever
  • Chernobyl
  • Child is crying
  • The Civil War
  • Computer mouse not working
  • Constipation[3][4][5]
  • Da Vinci
  • Daylight Saving Time
  • Death
  • Death of Superman
  • Diarrhea
  • Double bogeys
  • Dr. Oz
  • Drought
  • Earwax[6]
  • Epic
  • The extinction of the dinosaurs
  • Failed relationship
  • Famine
  • The Falcons chokejob in Super Bowl LI[7]
  • Favorite sports team lost
  • Febrile illness
  • Fevers and chills
  • Flat tire
  • Food is cold
  • Forgot your wallet
  • Genitals caught while zipping pair of pants
  • Global Warming[8]
  • Herpes
  • Hindenburg Disaster
  • Holes in underwear
  • Hypoxia
  • The I-85 Northbound Bridge collapse in Atlanta[9]
  • Insomnia
  • Influenza
  • The intentional walk in baseball
  • Joint Commission
  • The La La Land mix-up at the 2017 Oscars[10]
  • LeBron James leaving Cleveland for South Beach
  • Lice
  • Lost keys
  • Lost pens[11]
  • Low sperm counts
  • Medication side effects
  • Meningismus
  • Milli Vanilli's lip-syncing Grammy fiasco[12]
  • Mittelschmerz[13]
  • The musical Cats
  • Nickelback
  • The obesity epidemic
  • One-way roads
  • The opioid epidemic
  • Overalls
  • A mime who is subpar
  • Pants that are too tight
  • Paper cuts
  • Phone died[14]
  • Pocket watches
  • Polar ice caps melting
  • Poverty
  • Pulled over for speeding
  • Rotten food
  • Sh*tty weather
  • Small penises
  • The Space Bar on the keyboard is sticky
  • The Spanish Inquisition
  • Speeding ticket
  • Staff meeting that never ends
  • A stain that won't come out
  • Stolen car
  • Stolen credit card
  • Stubbed your toe and it really f**king hurts
  • Sunburn
  • Syphilis
  • Taxation without representation
  • Taxation with representation
  • That itch you can't scratch
  • Thorns
  • Traffic
  • Trichomoniasis
  • Turbulence
  • Typhoons
  • Uneven sidewalks
  • United Airlines' new Pre-Beating Pre-Boarding policy[15][16][17]
  • Vietnam War
  • Wayne Gretzky getting traded from the Edmonton Oilers to the Los Angeles Kings
  • Well-done steaks
  • West Nile Virus
  • World War II


Further Reading


- Blame Anesthesia

- Blame Anesthesia Algorithm


References


  1. Regional Anesthesia Blamed for 20 Minute Case Delay Despite GYN Intern Taking Over 1 Hour to Close
  2. Hillary Clinton Blames Benghazi on Anesthesia
  3. Joint Commission Creates New “Primary Constipation Center” Certification
  4. Updated 2016 Code Constipation Algorithm
  5. Constipation is an Admitting Diagnosis Apparently
  6. Breaking: New Earwax Impaction Guidelines Released, World Rejoices
  7. Falcons Blame Super Bowl Loss on Anesthesia
  8. Earth Day News: After 4.5 Billion Years, Earth Remains Full Code
  9. Atlanta Uses Heparin Bridge for Collapsed, Subtherapeutic Part of I-85
  10. Warren Beatty, La La Land Blame Oscar Best Picture Mix-Up on Anesthesia
  11. Nurses, Doctors on Pace to Lose Over 1 Trillion Pens in 2015
  12. Milli Vanilli No Longer Blames It on the Rain, Blames Anesthesia Instead
  13. Mittelschmerz Pelvic Pale Ale a Hit in Mid-Cycle Menstruating Females
  14. “I Can’t Afford These $4 Meds!” Says Patient with iPhone 6s Plus (Gold) & MacBook Air
  15. United Airlines Asked to Forcibly Remove Patient from Hospital
  16. Top 10 Reasons United is Forcibly Dragging Doctors Off Planes
  17. United Airlines Blames Violent Confrontation on Anesthesia


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