An Accurate Though Incomplete List of Things Health Care Professionals Would Rather Do Than Experience More Burnout

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A Brief History of Physician Burnout

- Fall face first into a cactus

- Drink pure unleaded gasoline straight from the pump

- Succumb to rabies

- Go shark diving without the cage

- Leap from a 5-story building onto a bicycle seat

- Eat own feces after going to Chipotle

- Test out an iron maiden torture device

- Get eaten to death by a wild pack of wildebeests

- Tightrope walk blindfolded on a windy day

- Go for a stroll against traffic during the Indy 500

- Ride a mechanical bull that has been mounted on an actual bull

- Take a nice long bath in a pool of lava

- Fall genitals first onto a freshly-sharpened sword

- Drink from the men's urinal

- Have LeBron James dunk them through a basketball hoop

- Receive 10 minutes of chest compressions while alive

- Dye hair with a flamethrower

- Jump onto a large pile of Legos barefoot

- Walk head first into a landing fighter jet

- Pet a King cobra

- Fly a kite into a tornado

- Suck on a cockroach

- Take a deep breath of fresh air in outer space

- Use a plugged in toaster, not soap

- Help Kim Jong Un build up thermonuclear supplies

- Stab out both eyes like Oedipus Rex

- Become an NHL goaltender but not wear any protective gear

- Perform neurosurgery on self

- Fold self in half 8 times

- Receive massage from a grizzly bear

- Iron clothes while wearing them

- Face a hippopotamus one-on-one

- Boil a pot of water, then immerse wrists

- Juggle machetes while partially distracted

- Chew on used condoms

- Go coal mining without a head lamp

- Watch all episodes of The Apprentice without interruption

- Heat up metal skewers than perforate eardrums

- Consume a whole churn of butter with a spoon

- Put herself into a dryer, turn it on

- Use glue instead of eye drops

- Scream at the Pope for thrills

- Lie down under an elephant ready to defecate

- Be the first person in history to die on Mars


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