An Accurate Though Incomplete List of Things Health Care Professionals Would Rather Do Than Experience More Burnout

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A brief history of physician burnout
  • Fall face first into a cactus
  • Drink pure unleaded gasoline straight from the pump
  • Read every burnout article on KevinMD
  • Succumb to rabies
  • Date Anthony Scaramucci
  • Go shark diving without the cage
  • Leap from a 5-story building onto a bicycle seat
  • Eat own feces after going to Chipotle
  • Test out an iron maiden torture device
  • Get eaten to death by a wild pack of wildebeests
  • Tightrope walk blindfolded on a windy day
  • Go for a stroll against traffic during the Indy 500
  • Ride a mechanical bull that has been mounted on an actual bull
  • Take a nice long bath in a pool of lava
  • Fall genitals first onto a freshly-sharpened sword
  • Drink from the men's urinal
  • Have LeBron James dunk them through a basketball hoop
  • Receive 10 minutes of chest compressions while alive
  • Dye hair with a flamethrower
  • Jump onto a large pile of Legos barefoot
  • Walk head first into a landing fighter jet
  • Pet a King cobra
  • Fly a kite into a tornado
  • Suck on a cockroach
  • Take a deep breath of fresh air in outer space
  • Use a plugged in toaster, not soap
  • Help Kim Jong Un build up thermonuclear supplies
  • Stab out both eyes like Oedipus Rex
  • Become an NHL goaltender but not wear any protective gear
  • Perform neurosurgery on self
  • Fold self in half 8 times
  • Receive massage from a grizzly bear
  • Iron clothes while wearing them
  • Face a hippopotamus one-on-one
  • Boil a pot of water, then immerse wrists
  • Juggle machetes while partially distracted
  • Chew on used condoms
  • Go coal mining without a head lamp
  • Watch all episodes of The Apprentice without interruption
  • Heat up metal skewers than perforate eardrums
  • Consume a whole churn of butter with a spoon
  • Put herself into a dryer, turn it on
  • Use glue instead of eye drops
  • Scream at the Pope for thrills
  • Lie down under an elephant ready to defecate
  • Be the first person in history to die on Mars

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