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[[File:Anatomy of a Pager.jpg|500px|thumb|right|''Figure 19'']] ''"My beeper, man, it's off. They can't get me now." - Chuck, The House of God'' A '''pager''' (or '''beeper''') is that annoying f**king piece of crap that health care providers carry in order to be contacted in the most annoying, anachronistic formway possible. '''Receiving a Pager for the First Time as a Student'''----It may feel like a joyous event at the time, but many people who look back at this moment in their lives describe it as a "dark and dismal day."
'''Carrying the Pager'''
----
Where one places a '''pager''' on their body is a reflection of that person's mood. If the '''pager''' is found on a patient's belt or [[White Coat|white coat]], then that person either is in a good mood or simply forgot to put the '''pager''' in a better place, such as at home or on in a random hospital drawer. For that reason, it is rare to spot a '''pager''' on a sane health care provider. Also, contrary to popular belief, pathologists do carry '''pagers.'''<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2014/11/pathology-pager/ Pathology Duty Pager Goes Off Overnight (Gomerblog)]</ref> '''Forwarding the Pager'''----Forwarding the '''pager''' is a surefire way to have an orgasm in the hospital. '''Sounds a Pager Makes'''----Only obnoxious ones. If it's a sound that makes your blood curdle and vomit inside your mouth, then it's a '''pager''' tone.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2015/09/pager-sounds/ I Wish My Pager Had Less Irritating Sounds, Like Fork on Chalkboard & Midnight Car Alarm (Gomerblog)]</ref> If it is a subtle or neutral one, then it has no place on a '''pager'''.
'''Anatomy of a Pager'''
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A '''pager ''' is made out of misery and cockroach shells. See Figure 19 for more details. [[File:Anatomy of a Pager.jpg|400px|thumb|left]]
'''Special Edition Pagers'''
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There are a few variations of the '''pager''': #On March 17, 2015, Apple released an Apple Pager, much to the delight of medical personnel since it cost only $1999 and was made with real human retinas.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2015/03/apple-pager/ What We Like & Dislike About the New Apple Pager (Gomerblog)]</ref># On March 3, 2016, Our Lady of Perpetual Dispo in North Carolina released a new shock-paging system where each user is allowed can deliver a 30,000 volts of electricity directly into the hip of another person in the health care system. The new system has been deemed a success due to the subsequent and dramatic decrease in unnecessary pages and consults, especially from the [[Emergency Room|emergency room]].<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/03/shock-paging-system/ Hospital Installs Shock-Paging System, Morale Soars (Gomerblog)]</ref>#This past Fourth of July, health care systems rolled out special edition '''pagers ''' that played patriotic songs such as the "Star-Spangled Banner" or "[[Born in the U.S.A.]]."<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/07/patriotic-call-lights/ Patriotic Call Lights, Pagers to Play National Anthem(Gomerblog)]</ref> '''Did You Know?'''----[[File:Good Night, Pager.png|550px|thumb|right]] #Did you know that rather than throwing a '''pager''' off of the rooftop you can simply make the pager [[DNR]]? Just call Palliative Care and they're more than happy to help.#Did you know it's possible to tell when you and your pager are headed for a break-up? Check out this Gomerblog article: [http://gomerblog.com/2015/05/pager/ Top 10 Signs It’s Time to Break Up with Your Pager]#Did you know that October 16, 2015 was the first [http://gomerblog.com/2015/10/pager-2/ National Toss Your Pager in the Trash Day]? It was a day to celebrate and curse the existence of this garbage device, arguably the health care providers number one source of [[Burnout|burnout]].#Did you know there is a Gomerblog tutorial on how to return a page?<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2017/01/video-tutorial-return-page/ Video Tutorial: How to Return a Page (Gomerblog)]</ref>#Did you know there is algorithm for what to do if you drop your pager in the toilet?<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2017/02/dropped-pager-toilet/ So You Dropped Your Pager into the Toilet, What to Do Next (Gomerblog)]</ref> '''Related Reading'''----* [[I Don't Know]]* [[I dropped my pager in the toilet, now what?]]* [[Interruptions]]* [[Is there a way to shut off my pager?]]* [[Is this my pen?]]* [[National Toss Your Pager in the Trash Day]]* [[Pager Status]]* [[Reverse Stethoscope Technique]]* [[Status Interrupticus]]