Difference between revisions of "Gouch"
From Gomerpedia
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'''Gouch''' is a recurrent inflammatory arthritis so painful that "ouch" is built into the name.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2015/08/gout/ Patient Continues to Insist He Suffers from “The Gouch,” Not Gout]</ref> | '''Gouch''' is a recurrent inflammatory arthritis so painful that "ouch" is built into the name.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2015/08/gout/ Patient Continues to Insist He Suffers from “The Gouch,” Not Gout]</ref> | ||
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'''Symptoms''' | '''Symptoms''' | ||
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| − | '''Gouch''' usually manifests first as podagra: a red, hot, swelling, and | + | '''Gouch''' usually manifests first as podagra: a red, hot, swelling, and painful big toe that makes "walking a bitch." It often happens in the middle of the night for the simple reason that '''gouch''' is evil. |
'''Causes''' | '''Causes''' | ||
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| − | Old-school thinking attributed '''gouch''' to elevated uric acid levels due to [http://gomerblog.com/2015/08/alcohol-abuse/ alcohol], [http://gomerblog.com/2015/01/obesity-epidemic/ red meat], and [http://gomerblog.com/2015/05/protamine-shortage/ seafood], with crystallization at lower temperatures. New-school thinking simply attributes it to the | + | Old-school thinking attributed '''gouch''' to elevated uric acid levels due to [http://gomerblog.com/2015/08/alcohol-abuse/ alcohol], [http://gomerblog.com/2015/01/obesity-epidemic/ red meat], and [http://gomerblog.com/2015/05/protamine-shortage/ seafood], with crystallization at lower temperatures. New-school thinking simply attributes it to the Devil. |
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'''Differential Diagnosis''' | '''Differential Diagnosis''' | ||
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| − | + | Pneumonia, STEMI. | |
Revision as of 11:21, 9 September 2016
Gouch is a recurrent inflammatory arthritis so painful that "ouch" is built into the name.[1]
Symptoms
Gouch usually manifests first as podagra: a red, hot, swelling, and painful big toe that makes "walking a bitch." It often happens in the middle of the night for the simple reason that gouch is evil.
Causes
Old-school thinking attributed gouch to elevated uric acid levels due to alcohol, red meat, and seafood, with crystallization at lower temperatures. New-school thinking simply attributes it to the Devil.
Genetics
Screw genetics, it's the Devil, damn it!
Diagnosis
Optional.
Differential Diagnosis
Pneumonia, STEMI.
Treatment
Exorcism, NSAIDs[2], or amputation.
References
- ↑ Patient Continues to Insist He Suffers from “The Gouch,” Not Gout
- ↑ Area Emergency Physician Successfully Manages Gout Without Consultation
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Fun Stuff
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