Difference between revisions of "Gouch"

Latest revision as of 05:02, 30 September 2016

Gouch is a recurrent inflammatory arthritis so painful that "ouch" is built into the name.^[1]

Symptoms

Gouch usually manifests first as podagra: a red, hot, swelling, and painful big toe that makes "walking a bitch." It often happens in the middle of the night for the simple reason that gouch is evil.

Causes

Old-school thinking attributed gouch to elevated uric acid levels due to alcohol, red meat, and seafood, with crystallization at lower temperatures. New-school thinking simply attributes it to the Devil.

Genetics

Screw genetics, it's the Devil, damn it!

Diagnosis

Optional.

Differential Diagnosis

Pneumonia, STEMI.

Treatment

Exorcism, NSAIDs^[2], or amputation.

References

1. ↑ Patient Continues to Insist He Suffers from “The Gouch,” Not Gout
2. ↑ Area Emergency Physician Successfully Manages Gout Without Consultation

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