In the hospital or clinic, a computer mouse is that oddly shaped object to the right of your computer keyboard that looks like a decapitated rodent. It is characterized by a generalized clunkiness as well as colonization by all of the major multidrug-resistant organisms: MRSA, VRE, C. diff, and ESBL E. coli. In other settings, the computer mouse is paired with a mouse pad. In the hospital or clinic, however, the computer mouse rests on an equally-colonized hard surface, thus rendering its activity less effective, much to the chagrin of any medical staff who wants to be productive. Furthermore, the computer mouse is incapable of the double click due to filthy residue. Inserting and reinserting the computer mouse from the USB port is futile. Feel free to slam the computer mouse hard repeatedly. In a way, it does make you feel better.
Note: Never feed your computer mouse cheese.
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