Gouch is a recurrent inflammatory arthritis so painful that "ouch" is built into the name.[1]
Symptoms
Gouch usually manifests first as podagra: a red, hot, swelling, and painful big toe that makes "walking a bitch." It often happens in the middle of the night for the simple reason that gouch is evil.
Causes
Old-school thinking attributed gouch to elevated uric acid levels due to alcohol, red meat, and seafood, with crystallization at lower temperatures. New-school thinking simply attributes it to the Devil.
Genetics
Screw genetics, it's the Devil, damn it!
Diagnosis
Optional.
Differential Diagnosis
Pneumonia, STEMI.
Treatment
Exorcism, NSAIDs[2], or amputation.
References
- ↑ Patient Continues to Insist He Suffers from “The Gouch,” Not Gout
- ↑ Area Emergency Physician Successfully Manages Gout Without Consultation
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