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Patient Satisfaction Survey

26 bytes removed, 04:11, 14 September 2016
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# On April 19, 2015, a study in the ''New England Journal of Medicine'' revealed that Dilaudid is directly correlated with high patient satisfaction scores while [[Narcan]] administration was associated with an immediate drop off.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2015/04/narcan/ Study: Dilaudid Administration Directly Correlates with High Patient Satisfaction; Narcan Not So Much]</ref> As of September 13, 2016, hospital administrators nationwide are petitioning for the discontinuation of Narcan in order to maintain what's important: those high scores.
# On May 13, 2015, emergency medical crews in North Carolina started to deliver and collect '''patient satisfaction surveys''', ranking this as their number one priority, way ahead of patient care.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2015/05/ems-now-being-dispatched/ EMS Now Being Dispatched to Transport Satisfaction Surveys‏]</ref> As of September 13, 2016, patient morbidity and mortality has skyrocketed while '''patient satisfaction survey''' responses have increased by 5%. Administrators are happy with the increase and have no plans to shut down the EMS '''patient satisfaction survey''' transport service.
# On May 22, 2015, Long Island administrator Michael Brown hired a psychic in order to contact deceased patients and administer '''patient satisfaction surveys''', with a particular focus on the "satisfaction with the pathologist and with the autopsy procedure in general."<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2015/05/patient-satisfaction-4/ Hospital Hires Psychic to Track Pathologists’ Patient Satisfaction]</ref> Unfortunately, the surveys backfired, with decreased patients disapproving of, among many things, "the part where they cut me open and took out all my organs."
# On June 6, 2015, Our Lady of Chronic Narcotic Dependence in Cary, North Carolina hoped to boost patient satisfaction scores by mandating that (1) patient baths end with a "happy ending" and (2) [[Turkey Sandwich|turkey sandwiches]] were designed by Wolfgang Puck.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2015/06/new-patient-satisfaction-initiative/ New Patient Satisfaction Initiative Mandates That All Patient Baths Have “Happy Ending”]</ref>
# On July 22, 2015, Gomerblog reported that a hospital in Columbia, South Carolina was fitting patients with mood rings such as to give medical providers with real-time feedback into patient satisfaction. By allowing feedback on the fly, health care practitioners were in a better position to overtest and overprescribe in order to ensure that patient satisfaction scores were satisfactory.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2015/07/mood-rings/ Mood Rings Reflect Real Time Patient Satisfaction]</ref>