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# On March 18, 2016, a non-expert study conducted by the '''Joint Commission''' stated that the physician butthole was the source of all iatrogenic infections. Because providers were already required to wash their hands and hands were less clean than buttholes, the '''Joint Commission''' mandated that all physicians have a complete colon cleanse between each patient encounter, using either [[GoLYTELY]] or [[GoHEAVILY]].<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/03/colon-cleansed/ Joint Commission Mandates Physicians Have Colon Cleansed Between Each Patient Encounter]</ref> As of September 13, 2016, the '''Joint Commission''' is considering extending the mandate to all health care providers, not just physicians. The doctor-patient interaction has dropped off due to the cumbersome process of cleaning one's a**hole, the '''Joint Commission''' still considers this mandate a success.
# On April 5, 2016, the '''Joint Commission''' mandated a new pain scale, the Strong-Faker Pain Scale, that ranged from 0 to infinity, thereby allowing patients to have pain ratings as high as their imaginations could take them.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/04/new-pain-scale/ Joint Commission Mandates New Pain Scale That Goes to Infinity]</ref> The '''Joint Commission''' felt the epidemic of patients describing their pain as greater than 10 reflected that the Wong-Baker FACES scale had become obsolete. As a result of this measure, the '''Joint Commission''' replaced the headaches of health care providers with full-on strokes. The '''Joint Commission''' has called this mandate a huge victory, though it is unclear who is winning.
# On July 29, 2016, the '''Joint Commission''' recommended an annual "Patient Safety Purge" during which the '''Joint Commission''' would suspend safety measures for 12-hours. The move was inspired by the movie ''The Purge'' with the hope of restoring the morale of health care practitioners and getting "all their dangerous and reckless behaviors out of their system once a year." Some of the safety measures not enforced during the 12-hour window include handwashing, open beverages or eating at the [[Nurses Station|nurses station]], isolation, documentation, blindfolded procedures, codes, duty-hour restrictions for residents, [[Vital Signs|vital signs]], [[Correlatus clinicus|clinical correlation]], use of profanity, or a having a medical license to practice. In fact, the '''Joint Commission''' ended its recommendation with the statement "Blessed be the Joint Commission, a health care system reborn. May God be with you all."<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/07/joint-commission-patient-purge/ The Joint Commission Announces First Annual “Patient Safety Purge”]</ref>
To counter the unchecked power of the '''Joint Commission''', health care providers have taken numerous steps.
#In October 201452014, a movement started to do tear down any '''Joint Commission''' tips printed and taped up in [[Bathroom|bathroom stalls]] across the health care system, stating, "They may take our beverages away, our ability to effectively treat patients, and our dignity, but they will never take our freedom!"<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2014/11/joint-commission-tips/ Petition to Rip Down All Joint Commission Tips and Pearls Sheets from Bathroom Stalls Gaining Momentum]</ref>
#On January 20, 2015, doctors and nurses joined forces to form the [http://gomerblog.com/2015/01/hospital-regulations/ Gigantic Commission], an independent organization dedicated to accredit, certify, and inhibit the '''Joint Commission.'''<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2015/01/hospital-regulations/ Doctors and Nurses Form “The Gigantic Commission” to Accredit The Joint Commission]</ref>