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[[File:Constipation.JPG|350px|thumb|right]]
'''Constipation''' is a malady affecting the bowels whereby the desire to poop is not necessary followed by the action of pooping. '''Etiologies'''----There are several risk factors that can lead to or worsen existing '''constipation'''. The two biggest risk factors are taking opioids and is best relieved through being in the brave actions hospital. Opioids are notorious for causing '''constipation'''.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2017/05/whopping-dose-narcan/ Surgeon General to Reverse Opioid Epidemic with Whopping Dose of one willing Narcan (Gomerblog)]</ref><ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2017/02/acp-anything/ ACP Guidelines for Low Back Pain: “Anything, ANYTHING But Opioids” (Gomerblog)]</ref> Even without the opioid epidemic causing several medical organizations including the [[Centers for Disease Control and Prevention]] to encourage greater discretion in dispensing these medications, there would be just cause to officially recognize a '''constipation''' [[Epidemic|epidemic]] to focus on getting [[American|Americans]]' bowels moving again. For reasons that are unclear, but are likely related to the bowel gods above, just the mere act of setting foot into a hospital can constipate not only patients but their family members. Even health care professionals are at increased risk of constipation and obstipation by working in a hospital, which is often why health care professionals should be on a prophylactic bowel regimen when on service. Other risk factors for constipation include dehydration, immobility, a [[2016 Code Constipation AlgorithmBanana|banana]]-only diet, drinking wet cement, or having an obstructing object like an [[Eggplant|disimpact themeggplant]]in the rectum blocking the exit of stool.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/0206/updatedwinnie-pooh-cant-2016pooh-codeneeds-constipationsurgical-algorithmintervention/ Updated 2016 Code Constipation AlgorithmWinnie Can’t Pooh, Needs Surgical Intervention (Gomerblog)]</ref> '''Diagnosis'''----A diagnosis of '''constipation''' is established in two manners: #Patient says "I'm constipated"#Rectal, radiographic, or endoscopic exam reveals a crap ton of crap If diagnosed with '''constipation''', that warrants an immediate admission.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2015/09/constipation/ Constipation is an Admitting Diagnosis Apparently(Gomerblog)]</ref> '''Treatment'''----'''Constipation''' is best relieved either by the brave actions of one willing to [[2016 Code Constipation Algorithm|disimpact the patient]] or religiously following the [[2016 Code Constipation Algorithm]].<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/02/updated-2016-code-constipation-algorithm/ Updated 2016 Code Constipation Algorithm (Gomerblog)]</ref> When the patient poops, it is an absolute joyous occasional that is well-worth celebrating, as momentous or even more so than your wedding day or child's birth.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/03/breaking-news-he-pooped/ Breaking News: THE PATIENT POOPED!!!(Gomerblog)]</ref> If not treated, one of the dreaded '''Complications'''----Though there are several regrettable complications of '''constipation''' (including obstipation and bowel obstruction), but the most dreaded one is [[Fecocephalus|fecocephalus]]. '''Prevention'''---- #Avoid narcotic and other bowel-slowing medications#Do not eat more than 80 bananas in a day#Always keep active in moving, even while sleeping#Fiber, Colace, laxatives, and all that other good sh*t
- [[GoLYTELY]]
- [[GoHEAVILYGown]]
- [[GownMorning Poop]]
- [[Pride]]
- [[Rectify]]
- [[Sh*ts and Giggles]]
- [[What is the largest bowel movement by a human ever?]]