Difference between revisions of "Pager"
From Gomerpedia
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| − | [[File:Anatomy of a Pager.jpg| | + | [[File:Anatomy of a Pager.jpg|500px|thumb|right|''Figure 19'']] |
| − | A '''pager''' is that annoying f**king piece of crap that health care providers carry in order to be contacted in the most annoying, anachronistic way possible. | + | ''"My beeper, man, it's off. They can't get me now." - Chuck, The House of God'' |
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| + | A '''pager''' (or '''beeper''') is that annoying f**king piece of crap that health care providers carry in order to be contacted in the most annoying, anachronistic way possible. | ||
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| − | Also, contrary to popular belief, pathologists do carry '''pagers.'''<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2014/11/pathology-pager/ Pathology Duty Pager Goes Off Overnight]</ref> | + | Also, contrary to popular belief, pathologists do carry '''pagers.'''<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2014/11/pathology-pager/ Pathology Duty Pager Goes Off Overnight (Gomerblog)]</ref> |
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'''Sounds a Pager Makes''' | '''Sounds a Pager Makes''' | ||
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| − | Only obnoxious ones. If it's a sound that makes your blood curdle and vomit inside your mouth, then it's a '''pager''' tone.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2015/09/pager-sounds/ I Wish My Pager Had Less Irritating Sounds, Like Fork on Chalkboard & Midnight Car Alarm]</ref> | + | Only obnoxious ones. If it's a sound that makes your blood curdle and vomit inside your mouth, then it's a '''pager''' tone.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2015/09/pager-sounds/ I Wish My Pager Had Less Irritating Sounds, Like Fork on Chalkboard & Midnight Car Alarm (Gomerblog)]</ref> If it is a subtle or neutral one, then it has no place on a '''pager'''. |
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There are a few variations of the '''pager''': | There are a few variations of the '''pager''': | ||
| − | #On March 17, 2015, Apple released an Apple Pager, much to the delight of medical personnel since it cost only $1999 and was made with real human retinas.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2015/03/apple-pager/ What We Like & Dislike About the New Apple Pager]</ref> | + | #On March 17, 2015, Apple released an Apple Pager, much to the delight of medical personnel since it cost only $1999 and was made with real human retinas.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2015/03/apple-pager/ What We Like & Dislike About the New Apple Pager (Gomerblog)]</ref> |
| − | #This past Fourth of July, health care systems rolled out special edition '''pagers''' that played patriotic songs such as the "Star-Spangled Banner" or "[[Born in the U.S.A.]]."<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/07/patriotic-call-lights/ Patriotic Call Lights, Pagers to Play National Anthem]</ref> | + | # On March 3, 2016, Our Lady of Perpetual Dispo in North Carolina released a new shock-paging system where each user is allowed can deliver a 30,000 volts of electricity directly into the hip of another person in the health care system. The new system has been deemed a success due to the subsequent and dramatic decrease in unnecessary pages and consults, especially from the [[Emergency Room|emergency room]].<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/03/shock-paging-system/ Hospital Installs Shock-Paging System, Morale Soars (Gomerblog)]</ref> |
| + | #This past Fourth of July, health care systems rolled out special edition '''pagers''' that played patriotic songs such as the "Star-Spangled Banner" or "[[Born in the U.S.A.]]."<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/07/patriotic-call-lights/ Patriotic Call Lights, Pagers to Play National Anthem (Gomerblog)]</ref> | ||
'''Did You Know?''' | '''Did You Know?''' | ||
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| + | [[File:Good Night, Pager.png|550px|thumb|right]] | ||
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#Did you know that rather than throwing a '''pager''' off of the rooftop you can simply make the pager [[DNR]]? Just call Palliative Care and they're more than happy to help. | #Did you know that rather than throwing a '''pager''' off of the rooftop you can simply make the pager [[DNR]]? Just call Palliative Care and they're more than happy to help. | ||
#Did you know it's possible to tell when you and your pager are headed for a break-up? Check out this Gomerblog article: [http://gomerblog.com/2015/05/pager/ Top 10 Signs It’s Time to Break Up with Your Pager] | #Did you know it's possible to tell when you and your pager are headed for a break-up? Check out this Gomerblog article: [http://gomerblog.com/2015/05/pager/ Top 10 Signs It’s Time to Break Up with Your Pager] | ||
| − | #Did you know that October 16, 2015 was the first [http://gomerblog.com/2015/10/pager-2/ National Toss Your Pager in the Trash Day]? It was day to celebrate and curse the existence of this garbage device. | + | #Did you know that October 16, 2015 was the first [http://gomerblog.com/2015/10/pager-2/ National Toss Your Pager in the Trash Day]? It was a day to celebrate and curse the existence of this garbage device, arguably the health care providers number one source of [[Burnout|burnout]]. |
| + | #Did you know there is a Gomerblog tutorial on how to return a page?<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2017/01/video-tutorial-return-page/ Video Tutorial: How to Return a Page (Gomerblog)]</ref> | ||
| + | #Did you know there is algorithm for what to do if you drop your pager in the toilet?<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2017/02/dropped-pager-toilet/ So You Dropped Your Pager into the Toilet, What to Do Next (Gomerblog)]</ref> | ||
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| + | '''Related Reading''' | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | * [[I Don't Know]] | ||
| + | * [[I dropped my pager in the toilet, now what?]] | ||
| + | * [[Interruptions]] | ||
| + | * [[Is there a way to shut off my pager?]] | ||
| + | * [[Is this my pen?]] | ||
| + | * [[National Toss Your Pager in the Trash Day]] | ||
| + | * [[Pager Status]] | ||
| + | * [[Reverse Stethoscope Technique]] | ||
| + | * [[Status Interrupticus]] | ||
Latest revision as of 10:45, 17 July 2017
"My beeper, man, it's off. They can't get me now." - Chuck, The House of God
A pager (or beeper) is that annoying f**king piece of crap that health care providers carry in order to be contacted in the most annoying, anachronistic way possible.
Receiving a Pager for the First Time as a Student
It may feel like a joyous event at the time, but many people who look back at this moment in their lives describe it as a "dark and dismal day."
Carrying the Pager
Where one places a pager on their body is a reflection of that person's mood. If the pager is found on a patient's belt or white coat, then that person either is in a good mood or simply forgot to put the pager in a better place, such as at home or in a random hospital drawer. For that reason, it is rare to spot a pager on a sane health care provider.
Also, contrary to popular belief, pathologists do carry pagers.[1]
Forwarding the Pager
Forwarding the pager is a surefire way to have an orgasm in the hospital.
Sounds a Pager Makes
Only obnoxious ones. If it's a sound that makes your blood curdle and vomit inside your mouth, then it's a pager tone.[2] If it is a subtle or neutral one, then it has no place on a pager.
Anatomy of a Pager
A pager is made out of misery and cockroach shells. See Figure 19 for more details.
Special Edition Pagers
There are a few variations of the pager:
- On March 17, 2015, Apple released an Apple Pager, much to the delight of medical personnel since it cost only $1999 and was made with real human retinas.[3]
- On March 3, 2016, Our Lady of Perpetual Dispo in North Carolina released a new shock-paging system where each user is allowed can deliver a 30,000 volts of electricity directly into the hip of another person in the health care system. The new system has been deemed a success due to the subsequent and dramatic decrease in unnecessary pages and consults, especially from the emergency room.[4]
- This past Fourth of July, health care systems rolled out special edition pagers that played patriotic songs such as the "Star-Spangled Banner" or "Born in the U.S.A.."[5]
Did You Know?
- Did you know that rather than throwing a pager off of the rooftop you can simply make the pager DNR? Just call Palliative Care and they're more than happy to help.
- Did you know it's possible to tell when you and your pager are headed for a break-up? Check out this Gomerblog article: Top 10 Signs It’s Time to Break Up with Your Pager
- Did you know that October 16, 2015 was the first National Toss Your Pager in the Trash Day? It was a day to celebrate and curse the existence of this garbage device, arguably the health care providers number one source of burnout.
- Did you know there is a Gomerblog tutorial on how to return a page?[6]
- Did you know there is algorithm for what to do if you drop your pager in the toilet?[7]
Related Reading
- I Don't Know
- I dropped my pager in the toilet, now what?
- Interruptions
- Is there a way to shut off my pager?
- Is this my pen?
- National Toss Your Pager in the Trash Day
- Pager Status
- Reverse Stethoscope Technique
- Status Interrupticus
References
- ↑ Pathology Duty Pager Goes Off Overnight (Gomerblog)
- ↑ I Wish My Pager Had Less Irritating Sounds, Like Fork on Chalkboard & Midnight Car Alarm (Gomerblog)
- ↑ What We Like & Dislike About the New Apple Pager (Gomerblog)
- ↑ Hospital Installs Shock-Paging System, Morale Soars (Gomerblog)
- ↑ Patriotic Call Lights, Pagers to Play National Anthem (Gomerblog)
- ↑ Video Tutorial: How to Return a Page (Gomerblog)
- ↑ So You Dropped Your Pager into the Toilet, What to Do Next (Gomerblog)
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Fun Stuff
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