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The first reports were first reported in first reports by the Chinese Centers for Disease Control and Prevention on December 2019 in the city of Wuhan, China. Reports found that those aged 70 to 79 years had a case fatality rate of 8%, those aged 80 years or older had a case fatality rate of 15%, and those already decreased had a case fatality rate of 100%. The first documented U.S. case occurred in a relatively-young patient from Washington State, who returned from Wuhan on January 20, 2020. For Americans, this is when sh*t started to get real.
In a matter of months, '''COVID-19''' had spread to all continents except Antarctica, suggesting that Antarctica has partial immunity. It had even spread to Earth's inner core.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/breaking-earths-inner-core-tests-positive-for-coronavirus/ Breaking: Earth’s Inner Core Tests Positive for Coronavirus (Gomerblog)]</ref> The [[World Health Organization]] declared that '''COVID-19''' was officially a pandemic, thus becoming the last major medical society to realize this. With the exception of China, Taiwan, and South Korea, measures aimed at containment have failed. Bribery has failed. Most nations have opted for strategies involving mitigation or masturbation, whichever one means "to reduce the severity or spread."
In the United States, the NBA was suspended when its first player, Rudy Gobert, tested positive for coronavirus. As students or teachers tested positive for '''COVID-19''', schools closed, including New York City's public school system, which is the largest in the country. As patients and health care professionals tested positive for '''COVID-19''', hospitals followed suit and closed as well.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/hospitals-close-patients-test-positive-covid-19/ U.S. Hospitals to Close After Patients Test Positive for COVID-19 (Gomerblog)]</ref> Social distancing was rapidly implemented (Spring Breakers in Florida were exempt), which disrupted orthopedic surgeons the most as they had to suspend bro hugs for 60 days and shelter-in-place at the hospital gym indefinitely.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/covid-19-update-orthopods-suspend-bro-hugs/ COVID-19 Update: Orthopods Suspend Bro Hugs for 60 Days (Gomerblog)]</ref><ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/orthopaedic-surgeons-directed-to-shelter-in-hospital-gym-until-covid-19-clears/ Orthopaedic Surgeons Directed to Shelter in Hospital Gym Until COVID-19 Clears (Gomerblog)]</ref> Cases of PTSD spiked in the Anesthesia population on account of Sudoku supply deficits.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/covid-19-anesthesiologist-sudoku-supplies/ COVID-19: Self-Quarantined Anesthesiologist Running Dangerous Low on Sudoku Supplies (Gomerblog)]</ref> Batman was infected, thus becoming the first case of human-to-Batman transmission.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/batman-diagnosed-covid-19/ Breaking: Batman Diagnosed with COVID-19 (Gomerblog)]</ref> The situation got so dire that the [[Centers for Disease Control and Prevention|CDC]] declared "we are effed" while aliens postponed their invasion of Earth due to concerns over '''COVID-19'''.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/covid-19-cdc-zombie-apocalypse/ COVID-19: CDC Says “We’re Totally Effed” in a Zombie Apocalypse (Gomerblog)]</ref><ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/aliens-postpone-earth-invasion-due-to-coronavirus-concerns/ Aliens Postpone Earth Invasion Due to Coronavirus Concerns (Gomerblog)]</ref>
