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Reports suggest that coronavirus is capable of traveling back in time.<ref>[https://www.theonion.com/who-warns-outbreaks-in-victorian-england-confirm-corona-1842123259/ WHO Warns Outbreaks In Victorian England Confirm Coronavirus Capable Of Spreading Through Time (The Onion)]</ref>
President Trump had set his sights on reopening the United States by Easter time, but this was derailed when the Easter Bunny tested positive for coronavirus.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/easter-bunny-positive-coronavirus/ Easter Bunny Tests Positive for Coronavirus (Gomerblog)]</ref> Palliative Care was consulted and is currently having a family meeting with all 327 million Americans. It is believed consensus will be reached to make the United States [[DNR]].<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/covid-19-update-palliative-care-makes-u-s-dnr/ COVID-19 Update: Palliative Care Makes U.S. DNR (Gomerblog)]</ref> Until that happens, hospitals are scrambling to ensure health care professionals have an adequate supply of [[ICD-10]] codes.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/supply-of-icd-10-codes-for-covid-19-dangerously-low/ Supply of ICD-10 Codes for COVID-19 “Dangerously Low” (Gomerblog)]</ref> Remarkably, infectious diseases doctors are remaining calm, even if they are getting paged anywhere from 40,000 to 100,000 times per day.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/covid-19-thankful-on-call-id-doc-paged-only-43589-times-today/ COVID-19: Thankful On-Call ID Doc Paged Only 43,589 Times Today (Gomerblog)]</ref>
* ''Anxiety among healthcare professionals'' - Anxiety runs high among healthcare professionals, not only because of the increased challenges at work due to '''COVID-19''' but the increased challenges outside of the work place. One example is health care professionals running out of not only masks but toilet paper, as they were too busy dealing with patients to go to grocery stores. Gomerblog and its fans have created a '''COVID-19''' Doomsday playlist in the hopes of keep everyone from going completely insane as laughs and smiles are few and far between.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/music-therapy-gomerblogs-covid-19-doomsday-playlist/ Music Therapy: Gomerblog’s COVID-19 Doomsday Playlist (Gomerblog)]</ref>
* ''People's Sexiest Man Alive: Dr. Anthony Fauci'' - Dr. Fauci's expertise, calm demeanor, and facts-only approach to the '''COVID-19''' pandemic has been much needed in the absence of otherwise ineffective government leadership. His recommendation to watch Bob Ross painting videos singlehandedly decreased the average American resting heart rate from 125 to 115. Due to Because of his service leadership since coronavirus reached the United States, the American public has finally granted him a much-deserved 15-minute nap.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/nation-gives-fauci-permission-nap/ Nation Gives Fauci Permission to Take 15-Minute Power Nap (Gomerblog)]</ref> Americans woke him up exactly after 15 minutes, frantically asking him what the hell we need to do next.
* Cover your cough or sneeze (unless the people around you are confirmed COVID-positive, in which case don't worry about it)
* Move to other oxygen-positive, COVID-negative planet
* Do not defecate for at least the next 60 days<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/preserve-toilet-paper-cdc-against-defecation/ Strongly Recommends Against Defecation (Gomerblog)]</ref>
* Never, ever listen to CDC guidelines<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/cdc-recommends-not-listening-to-cdc-recommendations/ COVID-19: CDC Recommends Not Listening to CDC Recommendations (Gomerblog)]</ref>