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# On December 8, 2015, the '''Joint Commission''' pushed for a new television quality initiative after a patient found his TV was stuck on [[''The View'']] and decided to understandably leap to his death. The '''Joint Commission''' felt that nurses and doctors "should know what channels are available and how to quickly address TV malfunctions, as well as providing documentation of the above competencies."<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2015/12/patient-the-view/ Patient Leaps to Death After Hospital TV Stuck on The View; Joint Commission Investigating]</ref> Medical personnel got behind the initiative. Except for the documentation part.
# On January 19, 2016, the '''Joint Commission''' made a rare recommendation that drew the universal support of medical personnel: reversing their ban on caffeinated drinks at the [[Nurses Station|nurses station]].<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/01/nursing-stations-coffee/ The Joint Commission Now Encourages Coffee At Nursing Stations, Mortality Rates Plummet]</ref> Ever since the announcement, there has been a universal decline in errors, [http://gomerblog.com/2015/06/morbidity-mortality/ morbidity & mortality], bitterness towards fellow humans, and yawning.
# On March 18, 2016, a non-expert study conducted by the '''Joint Commission''' stated that the physician butthole was the source of all iatrogenic infections. Because providers were already required to wash their hands and hands are were less clean than buttholes, the '''Joint Commission''' mandated that all physicians have a complete colon cleanse between each patient encounter, using either [[GoLYTELY]] or [[GoHEAVILY]].<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/03/colon-cleansed/ Joint Commission Mandates Physicians Have Colon Cleansed Between Each Patient Encounter]</ref> As of September 13, 2016, the '''Joint Commission''' is considering extending the mandate to all health care providers, not just physicians. The doctor-patient interaction has dropped off due to the cumbersome process of cleaning one's a**hole, the '''Joint Commission''' still considers this mandate a success.
# On April 5, 2016, the '''Joint Commission''' mandated a new pain scale, the Strong-Faker Pain Scale, that ranged from 0 to infinity, thereby allowing patients to have pain ratings as high as their imaginations could take them.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/04/new-pain-scale/ Joint Commission Mandates New Pain Scale That Goes to Infinity]</ref> The '''Joint Commission''' felt the epidemic of patients describing their pain as greater than 10 reflected that the Wong-Baker FACES scale had become obsolete. As a result of this measure, the '''Joint Commission''' replaced the headaches of health care providers with full-on strokes.
# On July 29, 2016, the Joint Commission recommended an annual "Patient Safety Purge" during which the Joint Commission would suspend safety measures for 12-hours. The move was inspired by the movie ''The Purge'' with the hope of restoring the moral of health care practitioners and getting "all their dangerous and reckless behaviors out of their system once a year." Some of the safety measures not enforced during the 12-hour window include handwashing, open beverages or eating at the [[Nurses Station|nurses station]], isolation, documentation, blindfolded procedures, codes, duty-hour restrictions for residents, [[Vital Signs|vital signs]], [[Correlatus clinicus|clinical correlation]], use of profanity, or a having a medical license to practice. In fact, the Joint Commission ended its recommendation with the statement ''Blessed be the Joint Commission, a health care system reborn. May God be with you all''.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/07/joint-commission-patient-purge/ The Joint Commission Announces First Annual “Patient Safety Purge”]</ref>