Difference between revisions of "Patient Satisfaction Survey"

Revision as of 17:59, 13 September 2016

A patient satisfaction survey is an evil survey that measures the extent to which patients are content with their care. Patient satisfaction surveys operate on the assumption that the patient is always right... HAHAHAHAHAHA. Hilarious. High patient satisfaction survey ratings are associated with overprescribing and overtesting. But that's neither here nor there. It's not like health care practitioners spend several years of intense school and training or anything.

Who Distributes Surveys

There are many companies that distribute patient satisfaction surveys, but Press Ganey is the most well-known. And hated. More so than Al Qaeda, who claimed responsibility for Prest Ganey patient satisfaction surveys back in February 2015.^[1]

The Utility of Patient Satisfaction

The usefulness of patient satisfaction surveys has been in question ever since their introduction.

1. On October 22, 2014, the Centers for Disease Control discovered that patient Charles Hankford acquired the Ebola virus through a patient satisfaction survey. As a result, the use of patient satisfaction surveys was suspended in favor of incinerating them.^[2]

1. On January 27, 2016, Nurse Tara Noluck fell victim to low patient satisfaction scores despite the fact they were filled out by schizophrenics' voices.^[3]

Responses to Patient Satisfaction

There were many instances of health care providers and hospitals accepting that patient satisfaction surveys were here to stay, so decided to play the game even though they hated the game.

1. On November 11, 2015, Lord Have Mercy Hospital created a Rapid Satisfaction Team to ensure that high Press Ganey scores were achieved with speed and efficiency, irrespective of standards or appropriateness of care.^[4]

1. On November 17, 2015, a Seattle Radiology department decided to replace the radioactive tracer-labelled fried eggs on gastric emptying studies with radioactive tracer-labelled Cinnabon, which has subsequently led to an in crease in patient satisfaction scores.^[5]

References

1. ↑ Al Qaeda Claims Responsibility For Patient Satisfaction Surveys
2. ↑ CDC Confirms Ebola Transmitted Via Patient Satisfaction Surveys
3. ↑ Schizophrenics’ Voices Get To Fill Out Patient Satisfaction Forms
4. ↑ After Rapid Response, Hospital Administration Organizes Rapid Satisfaction Team
5. ↑ ‘Nuclear Cinnabon’ Improves Radiology Department’s Patient Satisfaction Scores

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