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Google

784 bytes added, 06:34, 17 February 2017
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Considering modern health care is still using archaic devices like [[Stethoscope|stethoscopes]] and [[Pager|pagers]], '''Google''' thought it a no-brainer to throw its hat into the ring:
#On April 4, 2015, '''Google''' announced an attachment to '''Google''' Glass called Maling-o-vision, which would enable health care professionals to see whether or not a patient's claimed medication allergies were true.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2015/04/true-allergy-detector/ True Allergy Detector, “Maling-o-Vision,” Now Available for Google Glass‏]</ref>
#On June 9, 2015, frustrated health care professionals hoped and prayed that '''Google''' was working on an [[EHR|electronic medical record]].<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2015/06/electronic-medical-record/ The Fantasy Google Electronic Medical Record vs Reality]</ref>
#In July 2016, '''Google''' started rolling out self-driving [[Colonoscopy|colonoscopes]], which in conjunction with [[Google Gene Maps|Google Maps]], aims to have "everyone's colon mapped by 2019."<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/07/googles-self-driving-colonoscopes-huge-success/ Google to Deploy Self-Driving Colonoscopes]</ref>
'''Recent Events'''
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#On October 8, 2013, a study published the peer-reviewed journal ''Barney and Friends'' revealed that fourth graders with '''Google''' access diagnosed and treated patients better than new medical student graduates.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2013/10/study-4th-graders-google-better-doctors-96-new-medical-student-graduates/ Study: 4th Graders with Google Better Doctors Than 96% of New Medical Student Graduates]</ref>#On August 13, 2015, '''Google''' opened its first hospital, '''Google''' Medical Center, with the purpose of helping "patients who disagree with their regular doctor's clinical diagnoses" and "pursue the diagnosis they have Googled on the internet, no questions asked."<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2015/08/google-medical-center/ Google Medical Center Opens]</ref> Thanks to '''Google Medical Center''' Medical Center costs through unnecessary testing and antibiotics have soared to record new levels, ensuring that the medical system, along with a healthy dose of [[Burnout|burnout]] in health care professionals, implodes into a fiery mess.
#On October 7, 2015, Gomerblog reported that God's miracles had reached an all-time low in part due to His reliance on Google.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2015/10/prayer/ Prayer Unsuccessfully Healing Patients Because God is Using Google]</ref>
#On September 15, 2016, '''Google''' continued to implant its mark on health care when it won the right to prescribe medications, effectively cutting out the middle man known as [[Physician|physicians]].<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/09/prescriptive-authority/ Medicine Changed Forever After Dr. Google Granted Prescriptive Authority]</ref>

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