Paracentesis

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A doctor performing a paracentesis on an obese man, whose ab Wellcome V0011083.jpg

A paracentesis is a medical procedure in which a health care professional sticks a needle into the distended abdomen of a patient with ascites in order to create what is called in medical terms a "belly geyser." Ascitic fluid is then sent to the lab to confirm what kind of beer it is.[1][2][3]


Pro Tip from Gomerpedia


If the ascitic fluid is draining slowly, tell the patient to take a nap since it'll be a while. Then fold your arms, place them on the patient's abdomen, and lie your head on the abdomen.[4] Not only will you be able to also sneak in a nap, the added pressure of your arms and head might speed up the procedure. Might.


Other Important Tests & Procedures


- 3-Lead ECG

- Ackbar Test

- Colonoscopy

- CPAP Smear

- Hydro ThermAblator

- ICD Interrogation

- Lambinectomy


References


  1. GI Cocktail Wasn’t the Cocktail Alcoholic Patient Had in Mind (Gomerblog)
  2. After Counseling Patient on Evils of Alcohol Abuse, Medical Team Leaves Work & Gets Absolutely Hammered (Gomerblog)
  3. If the Alcoholic Patient in Room 320 Soils His Sheets Again, Nurse Plans on Losing It (Gomerblog)
  4. Physical Exam Tips: The Abdomen (Gomerblog)


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