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[[File:Saving Private Ryan Screenshot.jpg|300px|thumb|leftright|''"My genitals are fine, thank you for asking!"'']]
'''''Saving Ryan's Privates''''' is an epic war film about saving Private Ryan's [[Revised Erection Hardness Score|genitals]] from invasion by danger microorganisms. (This movie is not to be confused with a pornographic film of the same name.)
