A stethoscope is a relic of the past still used by medical professionals to pretend like they're hearing something on physical exam, though they're going to order imaging anyway. It is irregularly shaped, so much so that it is quite ineffective when used as a boomerang. Most experts believe that the stethoscope will follow the path of the doctor's head mirror and fade away in the next 5 years.
Types of Stethoscopes
There are several types of stethoscopes:
- Doctor's stethoscope - This is a stethoscope used specifically by doctors for doctor things (listening to heart, lungs, etc.).
- Nurse's stethoscope - This is a stethoscope used specifically by nurses for nursing things (listening to heart, lungs, etc.)
- Nurse practitioner's stethoscope - This is a stethoscope used specifically by nurse practitioners for nurse practitioner-related things (listening to heart, lungs, etc.)
- Physician assistant's stethoscope - This is a stethoscope used specifically by physician assistants for physician assistant-related things (listening to heart, lungs, etc.)
- Medical student's stethoscope - This is a stethoscope loaned to any of the above because they forgot their own stethoscope
- Contact precaution stethoscope - Piece of shit, throw it away (see Figure 35)
- Heartbeats by Dr. Dre stethoscopes  - Incredible, built in Bluetooth and microphone, with noise cancellation in case you don't want to hear any heart sounds.
None of these stethoscopes can be used to examine the heart of Lady Gaga because of all the devices on her chest that obstruct the examiner.
Stethoscopes can be quite sexy if you just give them a chance.
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