Stethoscope

From Gomerpedia
Jump to: navigation, search
FIgure 35

A stethoscope[1] is a relic of the past still used by medical professionals to pretend like they're hearing something on physical exam[2], though they're going to order imaging[3] anyway. It is irregularly shaped, so much so that it is quite ineffective when used as a boomerang. Most experts believe that the stethoscope will follow the path of the doctor's head mirror and fade away in the next 5 years.


Types of Stethoscopes


There are several types of stethoscopes:

  1. Doctor's stethoscope[4] - This is a stethoscope used specifically by doctors for doctor things (listening to heart, lungs, etc.).
  2. Nurse's stethoscope[5] - This is a stethoscope used specifically by nurses for nursing things (listening to heart, lungs, etc.)
  3. Nurse practitioner's stethoscope - This is a stethoscope used specifically by nurse practitioners for nurse practitioner-related things (listening to heart, lungs, etc.)
  4. Physician assistant's stethoscope - This is a stethoscope used specifically by physician assistants for physician assistant-related things (listening to heart, lungs, etc.)
  5. Medical student's stethoscope - This is a stethoscope loaned to any of the above because they forgot their own stethoscope
  6. Contact precaution stethoscope[6] - Piece of shit, throw it away (see Figure 35)
  7. Heartbeats by Dr. Dre stethoscopes [7] - Incredible, built in Bluetooth and microphone, with noise cancellation in case you don't want to hear any heart sounds.


Unfortunately...


None of these stethoscopes can be used to examine the heart of Lady Gaga because of all the devices on her chest that obstruct the examiner.[8]


Fortunately...


Stethoscopes can be quite sexy if you just give them a chance.[9]


Fun Fact


Did you know that an orthopod once tried to use a stethoscope to listen to a femur and then an Ancef pump?[10][11]


References


  1. Pros & Cons of a Stethoscope
  2. Orthopedic Surgeon Finds Strange Sound with Stethoscope, Striker Rep Unable to Determine Source of Noise
  3. Ever Wonder How Radiologists Know What Studies to Recommend?
  4. Littmann to Produce Separate Doctor and Nurse Stethoscopes Thanks to “The View”
  5. Nurses Have Stethoscopes: What Do You Think?
  6. Styrofoam Cup Outperforms Crappy Disposable Stethoscope
  7. Product Review: Heartbeats by Dr. Dre Stethoscopes
  8. Lady Gaga’s Doctor Finding It Difficult to Auscultate Her Heart
  9. Valentine’s Day Tease: Stethoscopes in Sexy Positions
  10. Orthopod Caught Listening to Femur with Stethoscope
  11. Orthopod Caught Auscultating Ancef Pump


Fun Stuff

Try a random entry.
Push me button.jpg
OR 
this post with your friends


Random Gomerpedia Entries



Need More Gomer?