How do I resuscitate an eyeball?
Eye Resuscitation According to Dr. 99
- Eye compressions - Index fingers or thumbs preferred.
- Defibrillator - Just be sure to trim the pads before you place them on the eyeball.
- IO access - Giving you access to the vitreous might be life-saving.
- Bicarb eye drops - Hell yeah, baby!
- Preocular thump - That's right, punch the eye as hard as you can!
Eye Resuscitation According to Dr. Glaucomflecken
First you assess. Do the eyes look tired? Would you consider them "googly?" Assess for an eye pulse by poking the eye. You won't find one because it doesn't exist. If the patient yells at you though, that's a good sign; keep going. Then call for help. Have the emergency response team bring immediate reading material. Large print, a children's book will suffice, something along the lines of Harold and the Purple Crayon (the white on purple provides great contrast). If there is no response, commence emergency resuscitation by blinking the eyes manually at a rate of 100 times per minute, pausing periodically to check for eye boogers, a sign of ocular hypoxia. You'll know when you have successfully resuscitated the eye because it will give you a little wink, as if to say, "I'm better now, thank you doctor."