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"How is it possible your snore is louder than that CPAP?"

Snoring is a maneuver performed by a person to clear people out of the room so that he or she can have the whole bed to himself or herself. This ingenious person accomplishes this in several ways, the most common involving the obstruction of air movement around the area of the posterior pharynx, creating an audible and obnoxious vibration of sound that forces loved ones, others, and even some bears within a 3-mile radius to vacate to the couch downstairs. Snoring can be the first sign of obstructive sleep apnea, assuming the person making the godawful noise is shrewd enough to not swallow his or her own tongue.


There are several causes of snoring, which include but are not limited to the following:

  1. A lazy uvula
  2. A lazy soft palate
  3. Obesity
  4. You're American
  5. Obstruction in the nasal passageway, the most common is a lodged upper extremity from elbow-deep nose-picking
  6. Obstruction in the oral cavity, the most common are July interns who lodge foots into their own mouths
  7. Relaxants that can relax muscles in the throat or oral cavity, like alcohol, benzodiazepines, or smooth jazz


Who needs treatment? Everyone's left, you got the whole bed, heck, the whole place to yourself! Keep it up!!

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