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Diagnosis is best achieved through diagnostic kits, whose status is currently listed as "theoretical" in the United States despite being 3 months into the pandemic. With the eventual coordination of America's public and private sectors in early March, over 1 million flawed kits were expected to be available by the end of March 2020. A Silicon Valley company Cepheid developed a random point-of-care '''COVID-19''' test that produced results in an hour or less. Unfortunately, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration rejected this test in favor of a slow-as-balls one produced by some guy named Ted. He hopes to roll out 12 tests to the country by the end of the year. The expected turnaround time on Ted's test is 1 decade.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/fda-rejects-rapid-covid-19-test-favor-slow-as-balls-one/ FDA Rejects Rapid COVID-19 Test in Favor of Slow-as-Balls One (Gomerblog)]</ref>
The optimal specimen is an upper respiratory tract sample obtained via nasopharyngeal swab. The U.S. has had difficulty obtaining appropriate specimens, though this is largely attributable to frontline OB/GYNs collecting samples from the vagina and not the nasopharynx.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/ob-gyns-swabbing-vaginas-covid-19/ Habit, I Guess: OB/GYNs Accidentally Swabbing Vaginas for COVID-19 (Gomerblog)]</ref> The main hurdle now is obtaining a nasopharyngeal sample that doesn't come back hemolyzed.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/covid-19-samples-hemolyzed/ Damn It! All U.S. COVID-19 Samples Coming Back Hemolyzed (Gomerblog)]</ref> If this can be overcome, then healthcare professionals will address the next possible issue, one that occurred during this year's influenza season: if a '''COVID-19''' sample tests positive for ''C. difficile''.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2018/12/flu-swab-positive-c-diff/ That Can’t Be Good: Flu Swab Positive for C. Diff (Gomerblog)]</ref>
