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'''Epidemiology'''
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According to the [[World Health Organization]], the United States [[Centers for Disease Control and Prevention|Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC)]], and our friend Tim, there are currently more than 35 billion confirmed cases of '''COVID-19'''. This speaks to the huge burden of disease on human beings considering the Earth's population is less than 8 billion.
The first reports were first reported in first reports by the Chinese Centers for Disease Control and Prevention on December 2019 in the city of Wuhan, China. Reports found that those aged 70 to 79 years had a case fatality rate of 8%, those aged 80 years or older had a case fatality rate of 15%, and those already decreased had a case fatality rate of 100%. The first documented U.S. case occurred in a relatively-young patient from Washington State, who returned from Wuhan on January 20, 2020. For Americans, this is when sh*t started to get real.
In the United States, the NBA was suspended when its first player, Rudy Gobert, tested positive for coronavirus. As students or teachers tested positive for '''COVID-19''', schools closed, including New York City's public school system, which is the largest in the country. As patients and health care professionals tested positive for '''COVID-19''', hospitals followed suit and closed as well.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/hospitals-close-patients-test-positive-covid-19/ U.S. Hospitals to Close After Patients Test Positive for COVID-19 (Gomerblog)]</ref> Social distancing was rapidly implemented (Spring Breakers in Florida were exempt), which disrupted orthopedic surgeons the most as they had to suspend bro hugs for 60 days and shelter-in-place at the hospital gym indefinitely.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/covid-19-update-orthopods-suspend-bro-hugs/ COVID-19 Update: Orthopods Suspend Bro Hugs for 60 Days (Gomerblog)]</ref><ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/orthopaedic-surgeons-directed-to-shelter-in-hospital-gym-until-covid-19-clears/ Orthopaedic Surgeons Directed to Shelter in Hospital Gym Until COVID-19 Clears (Gomerblog)]</ref> Cases of PTSD spiked in the Anesthesia population on account of Sudoku supply deficits.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/covid-19-anesthesiologist-sudoku-supplies/ COVID-19: Self-Quarantined Anesthesiologist Running Dangerous Low on Sudoku Supplies (Gomerblog)]</ref> Batman was infected, thus becoming the first case of human-to-Batman transmission.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/batman-diagnosed-covid-19/ Breaking: Batman Diagnosed with COVID-19 (Gomerblog)]</ref> The situation got so dire that the [[Centers for Disease Control and Prevention|CDC]] declared "we are effed" while aliens postponed their invasion of Earth due to concerns over '''COVID-19'''.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/covid-19-cdc-zombie-apocalypse/ COVID-19: CDC Says “We’re Totally Effed” in a Zombie Apocalypse (Gomerblog)]</ref><ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/aliens-postpone-earth-invasion-due-to-coronavirus-concerns/ Aliens Postpone Earth Invasion Due to Coronavirus Concerns (Gomerblog)]</ref>
Throughout March, '''COVID-19''' continued to spread at an alarming rate: the Mars rover, ''Curiosity'', tested positive for coronavirus, thus becoming the first case of interplanetary spread; Heaven & Hell tested positive, suggesting that we may still need to practice hand hygiene in the afterlife; and the lost city of Atlantis has tested positive. New York has become the epicenter for '''COVID-19''' in the United States, but one lucky resident of New York City has tested negative.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/breaking-new-york-city-resident-tests-negative-for-covid-19/ BREAKING: New York City Resident Tests Negative for COVID-19 (Gomerblog)]</ref> Though she didn't test positive, the 134-year-old Statue of Liberty sheltered-in-place on Liberty Island given her age puts her at higher risk of complications if infected with '''COVID-19'''.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/covid-19-lady-liberty-shelters-place/ COVID-19: Lady Liberty Shelters in Place on Liberty Island (Gomerblog)]</ref> Left with no other choice, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) placed all of New York City under one ventilator.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/cdc-decides-to-put-all-of-new-york-on-a-ventilator/ CDC Decides to Put All of New York on a Ventilator (Gomerblog)]</ref>
Reports suggest that coronavirus is capable of traveling back in time.<ref>[https://www.theonion.com/who-warns-outbreaks-in-victorian-england-confirm-corona-1842123259/ WHO Warns Outbreaks In Victorian England Confirm Coronavirus Capable Of Spreading Through Time (The Onion)]</ref>
