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In the United States, the NBA was suspended when its first player, Rudy Gobert, tested positive for coronavirus. As students or teachers tested positive for '''COVID-19''', schools closed, including New York City's public school system, which is the largest in the country. As patients and health care professionals tested positive for '''COVID-19''', hospitals followed suit and closed as well.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/hospitals-close-patients-test-positive-covid-19/ U.S. Hospitals to Close After Patients Test Positive for COVID-19 (Gomerblog)]</ref> Social distancing was rapidly implemented (Spring Breakers in Florida were exempt), which disrupted orthopedic surgeons the most as they had to suspend bro hugs for 60 days and shelter-in-place at the hospital gym indefinitely.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/covid-19-update-orthopods-suspend-bro-hugs/ COVID-19 Update: Orthopods Suspend Bro Hugs for 60 Days (Gomerblog)]</ref><ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/orthopaedic-surgeons-directed-to-shelter-in-hospital-gym-until-covid-19-clears/ Orthopaedic Surgeons Directed to Shelter in Hospital Gym Until COVID-19 Clears (Gomerblog)]</ref> Cases of PTSD spiked in the Anesthesia population on account of Sudoku supply deficits.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/covid-19-anesthesiologist-sudoku-supplies/ COVID-19: Self-Quarantined Anesthesiologist Running Dangerous Low on Sudoku Supplies (Gomerblog)]</ref> Batman was infected, thus becoming the first case of human-to-Batman transmission.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/batman-diagnosed-covid-19/ Breaking: Batman Diagnosed with COVID-19 (Gomerblog)]</ref> The situation got so dire that the [[Centers for Disease Control and Prevention|CDC]] declared "we are effed" while aliens postponed their invasion of Earth due to concerns over '''COVID-19'''.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/covid-19-cdc-zombie-apocalypse/ COVID-19: CDC Says “We’re Totally Effed” in a Zombie Apocalypse (Gomerblog)]</ref><ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/aliens-postpone-earth-invasion-due-to-coronavirus-concerns/ Aliens Postpone Earth Invasion Due to Coronavirus Concerns (Gomerblog)]</ref>
Throughout March, '''COVID-19''' continued to spread at an alarming rate: the Mars rover, ''Curiosity'', tested positive for coronavirus, thus becoming the first case of interplanetary spread; Heaven & Hell tested positive, suggesting that we may still need to practice hand hygiene in the afterlife; and the lost city of Atlantis has tested positive. New York has become the epicenter for '''COVID-19''' in the United States, but one lucky resident of New York City has tested negative.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/breaking-new-york-city-resident-tests-negative-for-covid-19/ BREAKING: New York City Resident Tests Negative for COVID-19 (Gomerblog)]</ref> Though she didn't test positive, the 134-year-old Statue of Liberty sheltered-in-place on Liberty Island given her age puts her at higher risk of complications if infected with '''COVID-19'''.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/covid-19-lady-liberty-shelters-place/ COVID-19: Lady Liberty Shelters in Place on Liberty Island (Gomerblog)]</ref> Left with no other choice, the CDC placed all of New York City under one ventilator.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/cdc-decides-to-put-all-of-new-york-on-a-ventilator/ CDC Decides to Put All of New York on a Ventilator (Gomerblog)]</ref> Unfortunately any gains made with this were offset when a colossal coronavirus invaded downtown Manhattan and devoured New York City whole.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/colossal-coronavirus-about-to-devour-new-york-city/ Colossal coronavirus about to devour New York City (Gomerblog)]</ref>
Reports suggest that coronavirus is capable of traveling back in time.<ref>[https://www.theonion.com/who-warns-outbreaks-in-victorian-england-confirm-corona-1842123259/ WHO Warns Outbreaks In Victorian England Confirm Coronavirus Capable Of Spreading Through Time (The Onion)]</ref>
