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* Cover your cough or sneeze (unless the people around you are confirmed COVID-positive, in which case don't worry about it)
* Move to other oxygen-positive, COVID-negative planet
* Do not defecate for at least the next 60 days<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/preserve-toilet-paper-cdc-against-defecation/ Strongly Recommends Against Defecation (Gomerblog)]</ref>
* Never, ever listen to CDC guidelines<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/cdc-recommends-not-listening-to-cdc-recommendations/ COVID-19: CDC Recommends Not Listening to CDC Recommendations (Gomerblog)]</ref>
