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'''The Utility of Responses to Patient Satisfaction'''
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The usefulness of '''patient satisfaction surveys''' has been in question ever since their introduction. Over time, health care providers and hospitals accepted that '''patient satisfaction surveys''' were here to stay, so decided to play the game even though they hated the game.
[[File:Factors for High Press Ganey Scores.jpg|350px|thumb|left|''Figure 7'']]
# On October 22, 2014, the Centers for Disease Control discovered that patient Charles Hankford acquired the Ebola virus through a '''patient satisfaction survey'''. As a result, the use of '''patient satisfaction surveys''' was suspended in favor of incinerating them.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2014/10/cdc-ebola-2/ CDC Confirms Ebola Transmitted Via Patient Satisfaction Surveys]</ref>
# On January 30, 2015, children were devastated when [[Doc McStuffins|Doc McStuffins]] was not renewed for a new season after her '''patient satisfaction surveys''' lacked to show any "excellent" ratings. The empty slot was filled by Adam McBriefcase, the animated hospital administrator who fired her.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2015/01/doc-mcstuffins/ Doc McStuffins Forced to Resign Due to Dismal Patient Satisfaction Scores]</ref>
# On March 21, 2015, 23,000 hospitalized patients were polled to determine what factors are associated with a high Press Ganey score. The results are show in Figure 7.
# On April 17, 2015, a rival to Press Ganey named Prezz Gainey released [[Administration Satisfaction Survey|administration satisfaction surveys]] (or ASS) that made sure to keep the essence of '''patient satisfaction surveys''' by being a superficial and oversimplified metric that were "meticulously calibrated to correlate inversely with clinical outcomes and efficient allocation of resources."<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2015/04/hospital-administrator-survey/ Prezz-Gainey Releases Hospital Administrator Satisfaction Survey]</ref>
# On April 19, 2015, a study in the ''New England Journal of Medicine'' revealed that Dilaudid is directly correlated with high patient satisfaction scores while [[Narcan]] administration was associated with an immediate drop off.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2015/04/narcan/ Study: Dilaudid Administration Directly Correlates with High Patient Satisfaction; Narcan Not So Much]</ref> As of September 13, 2016, hospital administrators nationwide are petitioning for the discontinuation of Narcan in order to maintain what's important: those high scores.
# On May 13, 2015, emergency medical crews in North Carolina started to deliver and collect '''patient satisfaction surveys''', ranking this as their number one priority, way ahead of patient care.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2015/05/ems-now-being-dispatched/ EMS Now Being Dispatched to Transport Satisfaction Surveys]</ref> As of September 13, 2016, patient morbidity and mortality has skyrocketed while '''patient satisfaction survey''' responses have increased by 5%. Administrators are happy with the increase and have no plans to shut down the EMS '''patient satisfaction survey''' transport service.
# On May 22, 2015, Long Island administrator Michael Brown hired a psychic in order to contact deceased patients and administer '''patient satisfaction surveys''', with particular focus on the "satisfaction with the pathologist and with the autopsy procedure in general."<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2015/05/patient-satisfaction-4/ Hospital Hires Psychic to Track Pathologists’ Patient Satisfaction]</ref> Unfortunately, the surveys backfired, with decreased patients disapproving of, among many things, "the part where they cut me open and took out all my organs."
# On November 11, 2015, Lord Have Mercy Hospital created a Rapid Satisfaction Team to ensure that high Press Ganey scores were achieved with speed and efficiency, irrespective of standards or appropriateness of care.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2015/11/rapid-response-satisfaction-team/ After Rapid Response, Hospital Administration Organizes Rapid Satisfaction Team]</ref>
# On November 17, 2015, a Seattle Radiology department decided to replace the radioactive tracer-labelled fried eggs on gastric emptying studies with radioactive tracer-labelled Cinnabon, which has subsequently led to an increase in patient satisfaction scores and new-onset diabetes.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2015/11/radiology-departments/ ‘Nuclear Cinnabon’ Improves Radiology Department’s Patient Satisfaction Scores]</ref>
# On January 27, 2016, Nurse Tara Noluck fell victim to low patient satisfaction scores despite the fact they were filled out by schizophrenics' voices.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/01/patient-satisfaction-forms/ Schizophrenics’ Voices Get To Fill Out Patient Satisfaction Forms]</ref>
# On February 26, 2016, the decreased quality of life among administrators including [[CEO|CEOs]] led to the creation of [[Administrator Satisfaction Survey|CEO-specific administrator satisfaction surveys]], stating that to truly to make a difference in medicine "we need to understand the people whose opinion matters most!"<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/02/hospital-ceo-pay/]</ref>
