Difference between revisions of "Bacon"
| (8 intermediate revisions by the same user not shown) | |||
| Line 1: | Line 1: | ||
| − | [[File:NCI bacon.jpg| | + | [[File:NCI bacon.jpg|200px|thumb|right]] |
'''Bacon''' is a modern marvel full of fat and meaty goodness. If dogs didn't exist, then '''bacon''' would be man's best friend. | '''Bacon''' is a modern marvel full of fat and meaty goodness. If dogs didn't exist, then '''bacon''' would be man's best friend. | ||
| Line 6: | Line 6: | ||
'''Denial''' | '''Denial''' | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Denial is rooted in [[American|Americans']] deep love affair with '''bacon'''. It's deeper than deep: it's illicit.<ref>[http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/12/bacon-facts_n_4241592.html 9 Unfortunate Truths About Juicy, Scrumptious Bacon]</ref> As a result, Americans' happily ignore the several unfortunate reasons why '''bacon''' is so unhealthy: high sodium, high cholesterol, high monounsaturated fat, and high nitrates. I mean, yeah, those are all terrible reasons to eat bacon, but ... have you TASTED bacon?! It's so f**king tasty!!! | + | Denial is rooted in [[American|Americans']] deep love affair with '''bacon'''. It's deeper than deep: it's illicit.<ref>[http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/12/bacon-facts_n_4241592.html 9 Unfortunate Truths About Juicy, Scrumptious Bacon (Huffingon Post)]</ref> As a result, Americans' happily ignore the several unfortunate reasons why '''bacon''' is so unhealthy: high sodium, high cholesterol, high monounsaturated fat, and high nitrates. I mean, yeah, those are all terrible reasons to eat bacon, but ... have you TASTED bacon?! It's so f**king tasty!!! |
'''Acceptance''' | '''Acceptance''' | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | Over the past decade, with the appearance of artisanal '''bacon''' and '''bacon'''-wrapped anything, Americans and, in particular, health care professionals have accepted a basic truth about the universe: '''bacon''' is both unhealthy and transcendant. This is also known as the duality of '''bacon'''. When Thomas Jefferson remarked "We hold these truths to be self-evident," he was referring to this dual nature of '''bacon'''. So rather than tell patients to give up '''bacon''', health care professionals have taken the opposite approach: give them more of it. Because of this new medical mantra, both acute '''bacon''' withdrawal and low Glasgow Food Coma Scale scores have dramatically declined, which has saved the health care system over $50 billion in costs.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2015/01/2015-acls-bacon/ 2015 ACLS Bacon Withdrawal Algorithm]</ref><ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2015/01/obesity-epidemic/ Amidst Obesity Epidemic, Task Force Creates Glasgow Food Coma Scale]</ref> | + | [[File:2015 ACLS Bacon Withdrawal Algorithm.jpg|300px|thumb|right|''Click to enlarge'']] |
| + | |||
| + | Over the past decade, with the appearance of artisanal '''bacon''' and '''bacon'''-wrapped anything, Americans and, in particular, health care professionals have accepted a basic truth about the universe: '''bacon''' is both unhealthy and transcendant. This is also known as the duality of '''bacon'''. When Thomas Jefferson remarked "We hold these truths to be self-evident," he was referring to this dual nature of '''bacon'''. So rather than tell patients to give up '''bacon''', health care professionals have taken the opposite approach: give them more of it. Because of this new medical mantra, both acute '''bacon''' withdrawal and low Glasgow Food Coma Scale scores have dramatically declined, which has saved the health care system over $50 billion in costs.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2015/01/2015-acls-bacon/ 2015 ACLS Bacon Withdrawal Algorithm (Gomerblog)]</ref><ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2015/01/obesity-epidemic/ Amidst Obesity Epidemic, Task Force Creates Glasgow Food Coma Scale (Gomerblog)]</ref> | ||
'''Bacon in Healthcare: Current Times''' | '''Bacon in Healthcare: Current Times''' | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | No point illustrates how healthcare has embraced '''bacon''' better than the invention of '''bacon'''-eluting stents.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2017/02/bacon-eluting-stents/ Cardiologists Now Deploying Bacon-Eluting Stents]</ref> The [[American College of Cardiology]] and [[American Heart Association]] spearheaded research looking into the creation of these stents. [[Patient Satisfaction Surveys|Patient satisfaction surveys]] revealed that what patients considered favorably were associated with higher mortality rates.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2014/08/patient-satisfaction-2/ Patient Satisfaction Survey Study Halted, Mortality Increased 238% with Patient Satisfaction]</ref> Cardiologists became okay with the fact that patients were killing themselves, and thus invented the '''bacon'''-eluting stent. | + | No point illustrates how healthcare has embraced '''bacon''' better than the invention of '''bacon'''-eluting stents.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2017/02/bacon-eluting-stents/ Cardiologists Now Deploying Bacon-Eluting Stents (Gomerblog)]</ref> The [[American College of Cardiology]] and [[American Heart Association]] spearheaded research looking into the creation of these stents. [[Patient Satisfaction Surveys|Patient satisfaction surveys]] revealed that what patients considered favorably were associated with higher mortality rates.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2014/08/patient-satisfaction-2/ Patient Satisfaction Survey Study Halted, Mortality Increased 238% with Patient Satisfaction (Gomerblog)]</ref> Cardiologists became okay with the fact that patients were killing themselves, and thus invented the '''bacon'''-eluting stent. |
| Line 24: | Line 26: | ||
#Baconoscope | #Baconoscope | ||
| + | #Bacocardiograms | ||
#Bacon-wrapped stethoscope | #Bacon-wrapped stethoscope | ||
#Sphygmobacometer | #Sphygmobacometer | ||
#Baconolytics | #Baconolytics | ||
| + | #Bacon-egg-and-cheese eluting stents (BECES) | ||
| + | |||
| + | |||
| + | '''More Health Food''' | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | - [[Chipotle Mexican Grill]] | ||
| + | |||
| + | - [[Donut]] | ||
| + | |||
| + | - [[Duck Fat]] | ||
| + | |||
| + | - [[Extra-Slutty Olive Oil]] | ||
| + | |||
| + | - [[McRib]] | ||
| + | |||
| + | - [[Nashville Hot Chicken]] | ||
| + | |||
| + | - [[Pork Chop]] | ||
Latest revision as of 07:38, 13 July 2017
.jpg)
Bacon is a modern marvel full of fat and meaty goodness. If dogs didn't exist, then bacon would be man's best friend.
Denial
Denial is rooted in Americans' deep love affair with bacon. It's deeper than deep: it's illicit.[1] As a result, Americans' happily ignore the several unfortunate reasons why bacon is so unhealthy: high sodium, high cholesterol, high monounsaturated fat, and high nitrates. I mean, yeah, those are all terrible reasons to eat bacon, but ... have you TASTED bacon?! It's so f**king tasty!!!
Acceptance
Over the past decade, with the appearance of artisanal bacon and bacon-wrapped anything, Americans and, in particular, health care professionals have accepted a basic truth about the universe: bacon is both unhealthy and transcendant. This is also known as the duality of bacon. When Thomas Jefferson remarked "We hold these truths to be self-evident," he was referring to this dual nature of bacon. So rather than tell patients to give up bacon, health care professionals have taken the opposite approach: give them more of it. Because of this new medical mantra, both acute bacon withdrawal and low Glasgow Food Coma Scale scores have dramatically declined, which has saved the health care system over $50 billion in costs.[2][3]
Bacon in Healthcare: Current Times
No point illustrates how healthcare has embraced bacon better than the invention of bacon-eluting stents.[4] The American College of Cardiology and American Heart Association spearheaded research looking into the creation of these stents. Patient satisfaction surveys revealed that what patients considered favorably were associated with higher mortality rates.[5] Cardiologists became okay with the fact that patients were killing themselves, and thus invented the bacon-eluting stent.
Bacon in Healthcare: The Future
Many experts believe modern medicine is entering into a interventional bacon renaissance. Below is a partial list of bacon instruments in the works:
- Baconoscope
- Bacocardiograms
- Bacon-wrapped stethoscope
- Sphygmobacometer
- Baconolytics
- Bacon-egg-and-cheese eluting stents (BECES)
More Health Food
- Donut
- Duck Fat
- McRib
References
- ↑ 9 Unfortunate Truths About Juicy, Scrumptious Bacon (Huffingon Post)
- ↑ 2015 ACLS Bacon Withdrawal Algorithm (Gomerblog)
- ↑ Amidst Obesity Epidemic, Task Force Creates Glasgow Food Coma Scale (Gomerblog)
- ↑ Cardiologists Now Deploying Bacon-Eluting Stents (Gomerblog)
- ↑ Patient Satisfaction Survey Study Halted, Mortality Increased 238% with Patient Satisfaction (Gomerblog)
|
Fun Stuff
|
