Difference between revisions of "Centers for Disease Control and Prevention"

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# On May 1, 2013, the CDC granted state governments the right to quarantined unvaccinated families in what was called Proposition 23.4.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2014/05/quarantine/ CDC Plans to Move and Quarantine Unvaccinated Families]</ref>
 
# On May 1, 2013, the CDC granted state governments the right to quarantined unvaccinated families in what was called Proposition 23.4.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2014/05/quarantine/ CDC Plans to Move and Quarantine Unvaccinated Families]</ref>
 
# On August 24, 2014, the CDC warned Americans about an emerging domestic threat called panniculolithiasis, a calcification on imaging ultimately found to be buried under a patient's [[Pannus|pannus]].<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2014/08/disease-2/ CDC Warns of Emerging Disease Deemed “Panniculolithiasis”]</ref>
 
# On August 24, 2014, the CDC warned Americans about an emerging domestic threat called panniculolithiasis, a calcification on imaging ultimately found to be buried under a patient's [[Pannus|pannus]].<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2014/08/disease-2/ CDC Warns of Emerging Disease Deemed “Panniculolithiasis”]</ref>
 +
# On October 16, 2014, the CDC responded to growing concerns about the Ebola virus by issuing a disease-containment algorithm called "For the Love of God, Just Burn Everything."<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2014/10/cdc-ebola/ CDC Releases Revised Ebola Management Policy for Healthcare Workers: Just Burn Everything]</ref>  It was the first CDC guideline ecstatically recommending the use of gasoline and matches.
 +
# On October 22, 2014, the CDC discovered that man from Raleigh, North Carolina contracted Ebola virus through a [[Patient Satisfaction Survey|patient satisfaction survey]].<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2014/10/cdc-ebola-2/ CDC Confirms Ebola Transmitted Via Patient Satisfaction Surveys]</ref>
 +
# On October 31, 2014, the CDC decided to deal with anti-vaxxers by funding a trip to "send every last one of them overseas.".<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2014/10/cdc-fund-anti-vaxxer-africa-trip/ CDC to Fund Anti-Vaxxer Africa Trip]</ref>  This was met with resounding approval from the medical establishment.
 +
# On January 16, 2016, the CDC identified a new insect vector called the dry-humping bug.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/01/cdc-dry-humping-bug/ CDC Warning: Dangerous “Dry Humping” Bug Found in Lower U.S.]</ref>
 +
# On March 6, 2016, the CDC issued a major reminder to health care providers nationwide that the adjective of pus is "purulent", not "p**sy."<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/03/cdc-purulent/ CDC: The Adjective of Pus is “Purulent,” Not “P**sy”]</ref>  Unfortunately, the reminder had the opposite effect; the word "p**sy" is being said and documented in record levels.
 +
# On April 9, 2016, in response to the emerging threat of the Zika virus, the CDC implored mosquitoes to wear tiny condoms in order to control the spread.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/04/zika-virus/ CDC Urges Mosquitos to Wear Tiny Condoms to Fight Zika Virus]</ref>  Mosquitoes have disregarded the recommendation, stating that mosquito sex with those tiny condoms "just don't feel the same."
  
  

Revision as of 11:48, 18 September 2016

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (or the CDC) is a federal agency under the Department of Health and Human Services whose role is to undo the damage caused by the Centers for Disease Chaos and Promotion.


Recent CDC Recommendations

  1. On November 18, 2013, the CDC was humbled when they traced a deadly carbapenem-resistant Enterobacteriaceae outbreak to a break room within the CDC infection control department.[1]
  2. On May 1, 2013, the CDC granted state governments the right to quarantined unvaccinated families in what was called Proposition 23.4.[2]
  3. On August 24, 2014, the CDC warned Americans about an emerging domestic threat called panniculolithiasis, a calcification on imaging ultimately found to be buried under a patient's pannus.[3]
  4. On October 16, 2014, the CDC responded to growing concerns about the Ebola virus by issuing a disease-containment algorithm called "For the Love of God, Just Burn Everything."[4] It was the first CDC guideline ecstatically recommending the use of gasoline and matches.
  5. On October 22, 2014, the CDC discovered that man from Raleigh, North Carolina contracted Ebola virus through a patient satisfaction survey.[5]
  6. On October 31, 2014, the CDC decided to deal with anti-vaxxers by funding a trip to "send every last one of them overseas.".[6] This was met with resounding approval from the medical establishment.
  7. On January 16, 2016, the CDC identified a new insect vector called the dry-humping bug.[7]
  8. On March 6, 2016, the CDC issued a major reminder to health care providers nationwide that the adjective of pus is "purulent", not "p**sy."[8] Unfortunately, the reminder had the opposite effect; the word "p**sy" is being said and documented in record levels.
  9. On April 9, 2016, in response to the emerging threat of the Zika virus, the CDC implored mosquitoes to wear tiny condoms in order to control the spread.[9] Mosquitoes have disregarded the recommendation, stating that mosquito sex with those tiny condoms "just don't feel the same."


References

  1. ↑ CDC Break Room Found to Be Culprit in New Bacterial Outbreak
  2. ↑ CDC Plans to Move and Quarantine Unvaccinated Families
  3. ↑ CDC Warns of Emerging Disease Deemed “Panniculolithiasis”
  4. ↑ CDC Releases Revised Ebola Management Policy for Healthcare Workers: Just Burn Everything
  5. ↑ CDC Confirms Ebola Transmitted Via Patient Satisfaction Surveys
  6. ↑ CDC to Fund Anti-Vaxxer Africa Trip
  7. ↑ CDC Warning: Dangerous “Dry Humping” Bug Found in Lower U.S.
  8. ↑ CDC: The Adjective of Pus is “Purulent,” Not “P**sy”
  9. ↑ CDC Urges Mosquitos to Wear Tiny Condoms to Fight Zika Virus


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