Difference between revisions of "Pneumonia"

Latest revision as of 11:13, 14 July 2017

Pneumonia is a bitch.^[1][2]

Symptoms & Signs

Patients with typical pneumonia have fevers, chills, productive cough, and shortness of breath, while atypical symptoms may include altered mental status, nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea. Really atypical symptoms include toenail pruritus, triple vision, and nipple cyanosis.

Diagnosis

Diagnosis of pneumonia is made when an infiltrate is noted on chest X-ray. If a radiologist suggests clinical correlation or misses a right lower lobe (RLL) Pokémon, please punch him or her in the face.^[3] When admitting a patient with pneumonia, be sure to check blood cultures after giving antibiotics such as to defeat the purpose of checking them completely.

Causative Organisms

1. Streptococcus pneumoniae - Sucks because it's the most common cause.
2. Staphylococcus aureus - Sucks too, especially if it's f**king MRSA.^[4][5]
3. Influenza - Yeah, this also sucks.
4. Chlamydia pneumoniae - The only sexually-transmitted pneumonia. The worst.
5. Legionella - Sucks.
6. Mycoplasma pneumonia - Sucks.
7. Middle East respiratory syndrome coronavirus - Causes severe pneumonia, so this one really blows.

Types of Pneumonias

1. Community-acquired pneumonia (CAP) - Acquired in a community.
2. Communist-acquired pneumonia (CCCPAP) - Acquired in a communist society.
3. Beautifully-acquired pneumonia (BAP) - Acquired with a gorgeous way.
4. Constitutionally-acquired pneumonia - Acquired in a state governed by a constitution.
5. Healthcare-associated pneumonia (HCAP) - Acquired in healthcare facilities at high risk for multidrug-resistant organisms.
6. Hospital-acquired pneumonia (HAP) - Acquired > 48 hours after admission.
7. Ventilator-acquired pneumonia (VAP) - Acquired > 48 hours after intubation.
8. Elevator-acquired pneumonia (EAP) - Acquired > 48 hours after entering an elevator and did not appear to be incubating at the time upon first entry into the elevator.
9. Roller coaster-acquired pneumonia (RCAP) - Acquired > 48 hours after riding a roller coaster and did not appear to be incubating at the time upon first entry onto the roller coaster ride.
10. Uber-acquired pneumonia (UAP) - Acquired > 48 hours after entering an Uber ride and did not appear to be incubating at the time upon first entry into an Uber vehicle.

Treatment

Vanc & Zosyn.^[6]

Related Topics

- Auscultate

- Breathing

- Chest Pain

- Churg-Strauss

- Dyspnea

- Incentive Spirometer

- PE

- Pulmonary Embolism

- SOB

- Tension Pneumothorax

- Vital Capacity

References

1. ↑ My Mentor: Season 1, Episode 2 (Scrubs)
2. ↑ The Sweet Spot: 6 Diseases That Are Serious Enough That Your Ex Might Come To The Hospital To See You But That Won’t Hit Your Appearance Too Hard (ClickHole)
3. ↑ Radiologist Misses Right Lower Lobe Pokémon on Chest X-Ray (Gomerblog)
4. ↑ New York Outlaws MRSA (Gomerblog)
5. ↑ Devious MRSA Spider Bites Yet Another Antecubital Fossa, Remains at Large (Gomerblog)
6. ↑ Night Float Intern Boldly Chooses Non-Vanc/Zosyn Empiric Antibiotic Regimen (Gomerblog)

Fun Stuff Try a random entry. OR  Share this post with your friends Random Gomerpedia Entries Maculo papularis Duck Fat CVC Chai Latte An Accurate Though Incomplete List of Things Health Care Professionals Would Rather Do Than Experience More Burnout Need More Gomer? Gomerapp Gomerblog