Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
From Gomerpedia
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (or the CDC) is a federal agency under the Department of Health and Human Services whose role is to undo the damage caused by the Centers for Disease Chaos and Promotion.
Recent CDC Recommendations
- On November 18, 2013, the CDC was humbled when they traced a deadly carbapenem-resistant Enterobacteriaceae outbreak to a break room within the CDC infection control department.[1]
- On May 1, 2013, the CDC granted state governments the right to quarantined unvaccinated families in what was called Proposition 23.4.[2]
- On August 24, 2014, the CDC warned Americans about an emerging domestic threat called panniculolithiasis, a calcification on imaging ultimately found to be buried under a patient's pannus.[3]
- On October 16, 2014, the CDC responded to growing concerns about the Ebola virus by issuing a disease-containment algorithm called "For the Love of God, Just Burn Everything."[4] It was the first CDC guideline ecstatically recommending the use of gasoline and matches.
- On October 22, 2014, the CDC discovered that man from Raleigh, North Carolina contracted Ebola virus through a patient satisfaction survey.[5]
- On October 31, 2014, the CDC decided to deal with anti-vaxxers by funding a trip to "send every last one of them overseas.".[6] This was met with resounding approval from the medical establishment.
- On January 16, 2016, the CDC identified a new insect vector called the dry-humping bug.[7]
- On March 6, 2016, the CDC issued a major reminder to health care providers nationwide that the adjective of pus is "purulent", not "p**sy."[8] Unfortunately, the reminder had the opposite effect; the word "p**sy" is being said and documented in record levels.
- On April 9, 2016, in response to the emerging threat of the Zika virus, the CDC implored mosquitoes to wear tiny condoms in order to control the spread.[9] Mosquitoes have disregarded the recommendation, stating that mosquito sex with those tiny condoms "just don't feel the same."
References
- ↑ CDC Break Room Found to Be Culprit in New Bacterial Outbreak
- ↑ CDC Plans to Move and Quarantine Unvaccinated Families
- ↑ CDC Warns of Emerging Disease Deemed “Panniculolithiasis”
- ↑ CDC Releases Revised Ebola Management Policy for Healthcare Workers: Just Burn Everything
- ↑ CDC Confirms Ebola Transmitted Via Patient Satisfaction Surveys
- ↑ CDC to Fund Anti-Vaxxer Africa Trip
- ↑ CDC Warning: Dangerous “Dry Humping” Bug Found in Lower U.S.
- ↑ CDC: The Adjective of Pus is “Purulent,” Not “P**sy”
- ↑ CDC Urges Mosquitos to Wear Tiny Condoms to Fight Zika Virus
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