Toilet Paper

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Toilet paper is a form of a paper used not for charting but to wipe the anus after defecation for the purpose of causing irritation.

Toilet Paper in Health Care

Most bathrooms in the hospital, whether they're used by patients or health care professionals, are stocked with one-ply toilet paper that is easily mistaken for sandpaper or glass shards, and easily tear apart when given even the slightest tug or is exposed to a light breeze within a 15-mile radius.[1] It is a common misconception that the only function of toilet paper is to remove fecal debris around the anus after defecation; in addition, the role of toilet paper is to cause several microscopic paper cuts that results in severe discomfort and small-volume bleeding. For this reason, health care professionals are always begging for softer toilet paper or two-ply.[2] All of these pleas have been ignored and health care professionals' rear ends will continue to suffer into the foreseeable future. That being said, Charmin has played a pivotal role in supplying July interns with toilet paper as they inevitably sh*t themselves in the transition from medical student to doctor.[3]

Other Bathroom Literature


  1. Emergency Room Switch to Single-Ply Toilet Paper Reduces Unnecessary Gastro Admissions by 60% (Gomerblog)
  2. Is 2-Ply 2-Much to Ask For?! (Gomerblog)
  3. Charmin Profits As July Interns Sh*t Themselves (Gomerblog)

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