Old as F**k Attending
An old-as-f**k attending is any attending who immediately makes you think, "F**k, that doctor is f**king old!"[1]
Diagnosis
The gold standard is autopsy, which may occur within minutes of meeting the old sucker. Short of that, there are several traits that are considered pathognomonic for the near-dead attending, also known as Old F**ker, M.D., Dr. Geri McFartson, or Dr. Gomer:
- Either is napping or dead
- A kyphotic spine bends old-as-f**k attending into a question mark, as if you ask, "Am I alive? Still?"
- Hair is whiter than white coat
- Heavy snoring while asleep or awake
- Uses the term "whippersnapper"
Treatment
He's gonna keel over any... moment... now...
Related Reading
- DNR
- Fart
- Gomer
References
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Fun Stuff
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