Low-Broccoli Diet

From The House of God, Chapter 8

That same day, at Chuck's insistence, we stoped outside the room containing the woman who was to make Chuck famous throughout the House. "Now, this is the most amazin' thing," said Chuck, "I was called down to the E.W. to see this whale. She'd been seen already by Howard, by Mad Dog, and by Putzel. She was lyin' there, not breathin' worth shit, and nobody could figure out why not. Well, I went in there and did my exam. I say to myself, Not breathin', eh? Hmm. Better have a look in her mouth. I opened it up and looked in. Damn! I say, what's that big old green thing in there? So I put on about four pairs of gloves and I reach on back down in there, and this is what I foun'."

He took out a specimen jar in which was a large sprout of broccoli.

"Broccoli!" said the Bruiser, with one of his rare correct answers.

"Nuthin' but," said Chuck. "Howard, Mad Dog, Putzel - none of them dudes bothered to look in the old lady's mouth."

"The Broccoli Lady," I said. "A save!"

"No foolin'. Y'all and come in an' see her."

The Broccoli Lady was huge, gomertose, and smelly. Except for an occasional spasmodic shiver of her chest, she still wasn't breathing and she didn't look like she was doing too great.

"Doin' great, ain't she?" asked Chuck.

"A real save," said the Runt.

"What are you doing for her?" asked Jo.

"What am I doing for her? Why, I got her on a low-broccoli diet, gurl, what else?"

Other Diets

- NPO