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Once thought to be an imaginary childhood disease, the cooties is major source of morbidity & mortality in children under the age of 10 due to a recent wave of noncompliance with regards to the cooties vaccine.[1][2]


Infection is instantaneous with no latency period. Boy cooties affects boys, while girl cooties affects girls. But in a pattern that puzzles epidemiologists, if a boy "infects" a girl, the girl becomes positive for girl cooties, and if a girl "infects" a boy, the boy becomes positive for boy cooties. Though the cause is unknown, it does underscore a basic premise espoused by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC): that human beings are disgusting creatures.[3]


None that is immediate. Symptomatic management until middle school when, through the process of aging, it goes away.


The most effective thing anyone can do is to vaccinate before ever acquiring the cooties. Currently, there are two current forms of the cooties vaccine, both of which are recited and imaginarily drawn on one's deltoid:

  1. "Circle, circle, dot, dot, now you've got the cooties shot!" which conveys temporary immunity; and
  2. "Circle, circle, knife, knife, now you got your shot for life!"

Other Nasty Infections

- C. diff


- Pneumonia

- Scabies

- Urinary Tract Infection


  1. Breaking: CDC Warns of Cooties Outbreak in Children (Gomerblog)
  2. Breaking: Anti-Vaxxers Refusing Cooties Shot (Gomerblog)
  3. CDC Recommends Against All Human Interaction (Gomerblog)

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