Pager Status

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Go to hell, pager

For any unfortunate health care professionals that still use medicine's version of the abacus, the pager, there is one glimmer of hope: it is possible to modify your pager status at any moment in time.


  • Available
  • Not available
  • Available only by phone
  • Available only by email
  • Available only by mail
  • Available only by telegraph
  • Available only by pony express
  • Available only by time travel
  • Available but in tears
  • Available but overwhelmed
  • Available but hangry[1]
  • Available but not ready for marriage
  • Available but not
  • Single
  • Married
  • Divorced[2]
  • Widowed
  • Deceased
  • On duty
  • Off duty
  • Not it
  • F**k off!
  • Eat sh*t and die![3]
  • Taking a piss[4]
  • Taking a dump
  • Retired
  • Quit the profession[5]


  1. 2016 ACLS Hangry Algorithm (Gomerblog)
  2. PT and OT File for Divorce (Gomerblog)
  3. Mildly Annoyed Surgeon Throws 4×4 Gauze Across Operating Room (Gomerblog)
  4. Forgot-to-Pee Syndrome Afflicting Millions of Health Care Workers (Gomerblog)
  5. Doctor Achieves Lifelong Dream of Quitting Medicine Forever (Gomerblog)

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