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Fragonard's "The Reader" (1770), though we think it should be called "The Sitter"

Sitting is the antithesis of rounding. Sitting therefore is restful; if it precedes morning report or noon conference, sitting will inevitably lead to napping. Though many think of sitting in a positive light, some people oppose sitting since it is simply a gateway to charting. It is also especially bad if an elephant is sitting on your chest.[1]

How to Sit

The life of a health care professional can be very hectic, so if you have forgotten how to sit, here is a quick refresher on how to sit. In short, the act of sitting can be simplified to a core of 10 easy steps:

  1. Find an object on which to sit - If you don't find a seat, chair, sofa, cough, porch, or hammock on which to sit, it's quite possible that when you attempt the act of sitting you will fall backwards and possibly rupture your appendix, snap your spine in two, or attain emotional chairs. So do it right: find the right object.
  2. Approach the object on which you are going to sit at walking speed - A lot of sitting-related injuries are due to knee-on collisions with chairs. Because chairs are relatively sturdy, a person approaching a chair too fast will flip over it. As a result, he or she can rupture an appendix, snap a spine, or develop PTSD.
  3. Face the seat - This ensures that the seat knows who will be engaging in the process of sitting.
  4. Turn 180 degrees - Due to the shape of seats and the way knees bend, turning 180 degrees will ensure maximum comfort when in the sitting position. If you are reading this and a flamingo, ignore this step.
  5. Make sure your feet are, at most, 18 inches away from the seat - This prevents people from either missing the seat from standing too far away, or sitting on the backrest from standing too close.
  6. Double-check your seating alignment - Seating alignment is as important, if not more so, than tire alignment. This is to make sure that when you sit down you don't veer off to the side, thus accidentally lodging an armrest in a place not designed to accommodate armrests.
  7. Bend both knees at a gradual rate - If knees are bent too quickly, contact between a person's rear and the chair will be jarring, producing a sound so loud that nearly people will ask, "Why'd you bent your knees so fast?" That is an embarrassing scenario we want you to avoid.
  8. Keep elbows bent in order to assure your arms dock with the armrests - This optimizes the desired outcome of the arms landing on the armrests. This is considered one of the trickiest of the 10 steps.
  9. Once you feel your rear on the seat, gradually relax your legs - This adjusts the body to the state of maximum comfort.
  10. Celebrate - Congratulations, you did it! You sat!!

Other Actions

- A Young Gomere Reading

- Charting

- Crying

- Dancing with the SARS

- Eye-Rolling

- Rounding

- Sharting


  1. Elephant Complains of Chest Pain “Like a Human Sitting on My Chest”

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