Vagic
Vagic refers to the ancient medical art of entertaining pregnant women with illusions that make the impossible seem possible. These feats are called vagic tricks or illusions. This ancient medical art is performed by vagicians, though they go by the modern-day name of OB-GYNs.
History
The first vagic trick was believed to have occurred in the late 1900s in Australia when a self-proclaimed vagician known only as The Great Down Under pulled a rabbit out of a woman's vagina. Though this drew the applause of those who witnessed the incredible act, both the rabbit and the vagician unfortunately was diagnosed with myxomatosis.
Categories
Over the 19th and 20th centuries, vagic as a performance medical subspecialty continued to grow in popularity, leading to the burgeoning of more vagic tricks. As a result, categories for these illusions have been created, a few of which are listed below.
- Production - The vagician produces something out of nothing, such as a baby out of a vagina.
- Vanish - The vagician makes something disappear, most often a placenta or medical debt.
- Transformation - The vagician transforms something, like afterbirth into a bouquet of flowers.
- Restoration - The vagician destroys an object, then restores it to normal i.e. an episiotomy.[1]
- Transposition - The vagician switches the places of objects. The most popular is putting the father into the womb.
- Escape - The vagician escapes from a restraining device (pager) or difficult situation (monthly staff meeting).
- Levitation - The vagician defies gravity either by flying or making the clitoris levitate.
- Prediction - The vagician correct predicts the impossible: the APGAR score.[2]
Learning Vagic
Learning vagic is a lifelong endeavor that at minimum requires confidence, creativity, and participation in an OB-GYN residency program. Hats, capes, and magic wants are not included with residency. The most difficult part about becoming a vagician is that an OB-GYN resident must overcome his or her natural tendency to have a resting bitch face and learn to consistently smile during vagic acts.
Famous Vagicians
The most well-known vagician is Dr. Fredrick Schmidt, also known as The Amazing Fredrick, thanks to his mesmerizing feats of vaginal proportions and his delivery room catch phrase "Shallakazam!"[3] Many consider The Amazing Fredrick's feat of sawing a uterus in half and putting it back to together with an estimated blood loss of zero one of the greatest illusions of all-time.
References
- Jump up ↑ OB/GYN Chief Resident Finding Christmas Gift Difficult to Open, Performs Emergency Episiotomy
- Jump up ↑ Breaking News! Baby Scores Perfect APGAR Scores of 10 and 10
- Jump up ↑ Obstetrician Preferred to be Called ‘Vagician’
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