Difference between revisions of "Blood"
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'''Function''' | '''Function''' | ||
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| − | When not being drawn into tubes or leaking out of human orifices thanks to [[Coumadin (Warfarin)]], the role of '''blood''' is to transport oxygen, gravy, and [[Dilaudid (Hydromorphone)|Dilaudid]] to all cells of the body.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/11/cdc-blood-gravy-content/ CDC Issues Blood Gravy Content Chart for Thanksgiving (Gomerblog)]</ref> During the Olympics, '''blood''' can be used in lieu of water in swimming pools.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/08/olympic-officials-apologize-pools-blood/ Olympic Officials Apologize for Pools Filled with Blood (Gomerblog)]</ref> | + | When not being drawn into tubes or leaking out of human orifices thanks to [[Coumadin (Warfarin)|Coumadin]], the role of '''blood''' is to transport oxygen, gravy, and [[Dilaudid (Hydromorphone)|Dilaudid]] to all cells of the body.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/11/cdc-blood-gravy-content/ CDC Issues Blood Gravy Content Chart for Thanksgiving (Gomerblog)]</ref> During the Olympics, '''blood''' can be used in lieu of water in swimming pools.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/08/olympic-officials-apologize-pools-blood/ Olympic Officials Apologize for Pools Filled with Blood (Gomerblog)]</ref> |
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'''Monitoring''' | '''Monitoring''' | ||
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| − | The best way to monitor '''blood''' counts is by checking a complete '''blood''' count (CBC) or the lesser useful incomplete '''blood''' count (IBC).<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/04/cbc-replaced-by-incomplete-blood-count/ CBC to be Replaced by Cheaper Incomplete Blood Count (Gomerblog)]</ref> In the event the sample is hemolyzed, be sure to ask lab nicely and it will spontaneously unhemolyze.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/03/blood-sample-spontaneously-unhemolyzes/ Blood Sample Spontaneously Unhemolyzes Because Nurse Asks Nicely (Gomerblog)]</ref> | + | The best way to monitor '''blood''' counts is by checking a complete '''blood''' count (CBC) or the lesser useful incomplete '''blood''' count (IBC).<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/04/cbc-replaced-by-incomplete-blood-count/ CBC to be Replaced by Cheaper Incomplete Blood Count (Gomerblog)]</ref> In the event the sample is hemolyzed, be sure to ask the lab nicely and it will spontaneously unhemolyze.<ref>[http://gomerblog.com/2016/03/blood-sample-spontaneously-unhemolyzes/ Blood Sample Spontaneously Unhemolyzes Because Nurse Asks Nicely (Gomerblog)]</ref> |
Revision as of 17:31, 2 July 2017
Blood is a red liquid that is thicker than water but thinner than ketchup, whose main role is to be drawn by phlebotomists daily so that doctors can transfuse patients later for anemia.
Function
When not being drawn into tubes or leaking out of human orifices thanks to Coumadin, the role of blood is to transport oxygen, gravy, and Dilaudid to all cells of the body.[1] During the Olympics, blood can be used in lieu of water in swimming pools.[2]
Composition
Blood is made up of plasma (water, other proteins, fat, more fat, and lard) and blood cells (such as red blood cells, white blood cells, and blue blood cells in Americans). Blood navigates the arteries, veins, capillaries, and organs of the human body with the assistance of Google Maps or Uber. The pH of blood can range from 0 to infinity, but life is most compatible when it ranges between 7.35 and 7.45.
Monitoring
The best way to monitor blood counts is by checking a complete blood count (CBC) or the lesser useful incomplete blood count (IBC).[3] In the event the sample is hemolyzed, be sure to ask the lab nicely and it will spontaneously unhemolyze.[4]
Treatments
- Blood donation - Blood donation is always a benevolent act whereby a person donates blood in exchange for symptomatic anemia, only to be transfused with the blood they just donated. Donated blood is kept in a blood bank, which charges an APY of 1.05%.[5][6] For more information, see Blood Consent Form and Blood Types.
- Blood transfusion - Blood transfusion is the infusion of blood products in someone who is anemic to due to blood loss, whether or not it is related to phlebotomy or yanking out one's Foley catheter out of curiosity.[7] A current hot topic in medicine is at what hemoglobin threshold to initiate transfusion. Several strategies include liberal transfusion strategies (transfuse for Hgb < 10), restrictive transfusion strategies (transfuse for Hgb < 8), or [[Really Restrictive Transfusion Strategy|really restrictive transfusion strategies] (transfuse for a Hgb < 0). For more information, see TRICC Trial.
- Bloodletting - It is a common misconception that bloodletting is rarely used in modern medicine, with exception of the management of hemochromatosis and polycythemia. However, bloodletting is in performed everyday in clinics and hospitals nationwide under the term "phlebotomy."
Differential Diagnosis for Red Liquid
See What is the differential diagnosis for red liquid in a canister?
Related Reading
- American Society of Hematology
- BRBPR
References
- ↑ CDC Issues Blood Gravy Content Chart for Thanksgiving (Gomerblog)
- ↑ Olympic Officials Apologize for Pools Filled with Blood (Gomerblog)
- ↑ CBC to be Replaced by Cheaper Incomplete Blood Count (Gomerblog)
- ↑ Blood Sample Spontaneously Unhemolyzes Because Nurse Asks Nicely (Gomerblog)
- ↑ Blood Bank to Require More Paperwork, First-Born Child to Release Blood Products (Gomerblog)
- ↑ 1 in 4 Americans Have No Emergency Savings in Their Blood Banks (Gomerblog)
- ↑ Patient Can’t Wait to Yank Out Foley, Cause Bloodbath (Gomerblog)
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Fun Stuff
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