Difference between revisions of "COVID-19"
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− | [[File:COVID-19.jpg| | + | [[File:COVID-19.jpg|500px|thumb|right|''Close-up of a**hole COVID-19'']] |
'''COVID-19''', also known as the novel coronavirus, was discovered in Wuhan, China on December 2019 and has been a goddamn pain-in-the-ass ever since. | '''COVID-19''', also known as the novel coronavirus, was discovered in Wuhan, China on December 2019 and has been a goddamn pain-in-the-ass ever since. | ||
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'''Epidemiology''' | '''Epidemiology''' | ||
---- | ---- | ||
− | According to the [[World Health Organization]], | + | According to the [[World Health Organization]], [[Centers for Disease Control and Prevention]], and our friend Tim, there are currently more than 35 billion confirmed cases of '''COVID-19'''. This speaks to the huge burden of disease on human beings considering the Earth's population is less than 8 billion. |
− | The first reports were first reported in first reports by the Chinese Centers for Disease Control and Prevention on December 2019 in the city of Wuhan, China | + | The first reports were first reported in first reports by the Chinese Centers for Disease Control and Prevention on December 2019 in the city of Wuhan, China. The first documented U.S. case occurred in a 35-year-old patient from Washington State, who returned from Wuhan on January 20, 2020. For Americans, this is when sh*t started to get real. |
− | In a matter of months, '''COVID-19''' had spread to all continents except Antarctica, suggesting that Antarctica has partial immunity. | + | In a matter of months, '''COVID-19''' had spread to all continents except Antarctica, suggesting that Antarctica has partial immunity. The [[World Health Organization]] declared that '''COVID-19''' was officially a pandemic, thus becoming the last major medical society to realize this. With the exception of China, Taiwan, and South Korea, measures aimed at containment have failed. Bribery has failed. Most nations have opted for strategies involving mitigation or masturbation, whichever one means "to reduce the severity or spread." |
In the United States, the NBA was suspended when its first player, Rudy Gobert, tested positive for coronavirus. As students or teachers tested positive for '''COVID-19''', schools closed, including New York City's public school system, which is the largest in the country. As patients and health care professionals tested positive for '''COVID-19''', hospitals followed suit and closed as well.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/hospitals-close-patients-test-positive-covid-19/ U.S. Hospitals to Close After Patients Test Positive for COVID-19 (Gomerblog)]</ref> Social distancing was rapidly implemented (Spring Breakers in Florida were exempt), which disrupted orthopedic surgeons the most as they had to suspend bro hugs for 60 days and shelter-in-place at the hospital gym indefinitely.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/covid-19-update-orthopods-suspend-bro-hugs/ COVID-19 Update: Orthopods Suspend Bro Hugs for 60 Days (Gomerblog)]</ref><ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/orthopaedic-surgeons-directed-to-shelter-in-hospital-gym-until-covid-19-clears/ Orthopaedic Surgeons Directed to Shelter in Hospital Gym Until COVID-19 Clears (Gomerblog)]</ref> Cases of PTSD spiked in the Anesthesia population on account of Sudoku supply deficits.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/covid-19-anesthesiologist-sudoku-supplies/ COVID-19: Self-Quarantined Anesthesiologist Running Dangerous Low on Sudoku Supplies (Gomerblog)]</ref> Batman was infected, thus becoming the first case of human-to-Batman transmission.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/batman-diagnosed-covid-19/ Breaking: Batman Diagnosed with COVID-19 (Gomerblog)]</ref> The situation got so dire that the [[Centers for Disease Control and Prevention|CDC]] declared "we are effed" while aliens postponed their invasion of Earth due to concerns over '''COVID-19'''.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/covid-19-cdc-zombie-apocalypse/ COVID-19: CDC Says “We’re Totally Effed” in a Zombie Apocalypse (Gomerblog)]</ref><ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/aliens-postpone-earth-invasion-due-to-coronavirus-concerns/ Aliens Postpone Earth Invasion Due to Coronavirus Concerns (Gomerblog)]</ref> | In the United States, the NBA was suspended when its first player, Rudy Gobert, tested positive for coronavirus. As students or teachers tested positive for '''COVID-19''', schools closed, including New York City's public school system, which is the largest in the country. As patients and health care professionals tested positive for '''COVID-19''', hospitals followed suit and closed as well.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/hospitals-close-patients-test-positive-covid-19/ U.S. Hospitals to Close After Patients Test Positive for COVID-19 (Gomerblog)]</ref> Social distancing was rapidly implemented (Spring Breakers in Florida were exempt), which disrupted orthopedic surgeons the most as they had to suspend bro hugs for 60 days and shelter-in-place at the hospital gym indefinitely.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/covid-19-update-orthopods-suspend-bro-hugs/ COVID-19 Update: Orthopods Suspend Bro Hugs for 60 Days (Gomerblog)]</ref><ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/orthopaedic-surgeons-directed-to-shelter-in-hospital-gym-until-covid-19-clears/ Orthopaedic Surgeons Directed to Shelter in Hospital Gym Until COVID-19 Clears (Gomerblog)]</ref> Cases of PTSD spiked in the Anesthesia population on account of Sudoku supply deficits.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/covid-19-anesthesiologist-sudoku-supplies/ COVID-19: Self-Quarantined Anesthesiologist Running Dangerous Low on Sudoku Supplies (Gomerblog)]</ref> Batman was infected, thus becoming the first case of human-to-Batman transmission.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/batman-diagnosed-covid-19/ Breaking: Batman Diagnosed with COVID-19 (Gomerblog)]</ref> The situation got so dire that the [[Centers for Disease Control and Prevention|CDC]] declared "we are effed" while aliens postponed their invasion of Earth due to concerns over '''COVID-19'''.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/covid-19-cdc-zombie-apocalypse/ COVID-19: CDC Says “We’re Totally Effed” in a Zombie Apocalypse (Gomerblog)]</ref><ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/aliens-postpone-earth-invasion-due-to-coronavirus-concerns/ Aliens Postpone Earth Invasion Due to Coronavirus Concerns (Gomerblog)]</ref> | ||
− | + | Reports suggest that coronavirus is capable of moving back in time.<ref>[https://www.theonion.com/who-warns-outbreaks-in-victorian-england-confirm-corona-1842123259/ WHO Warns Outbreaks In Victorian England Confirm Coronavirus Capable Of Spreading Through Time (The Onion)]</ref> | |
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− | Reports suggest that coronavirus is capable of | ||
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'''Symptoms''' | '''Symptoms''' | ||
---- | ---- | ||
− | Symptoms can range from no to yes. The most common include fever, nonproductive [[Cough|cough]], [[Dyspnea|shortness of breath]] | + | Symptoms can range from no to yes. The most common include fever, nonproductive [[Cough|cough]], [[Dyspnea|shortness of breath]], myalgias, and anorexia. Less common symptoms include sore throat, rectal prolapse, and urethral discharge. In very rare instances, it can present as a scrotal abscess. |
'''Signs''' | '''Signs''' | ||
---- | ---- | ||
− | The most concerning exam finding is the identification of a surgical mask over the patient's mouth. | + | The most concerning exam finding is the identification of a surgical mask over the patient's mouth. That can't be good. |
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− | + | Unlike other situations, vital signs can be quite useful. Don't be fooled: though the documented [[Respiratory Rate|respiratory rate]] reads as 16, it is most likely 17. Objective fever supports subjective fevers and hypoxemia supports a patient's complaint of "I'm feeling hypoxemic." Cardiopulmonary exam findings may include tachycardia, wheezing, or crackles, but that does require making contact with the patient. [[Chest X-Ray|Chest X-ray]] is an important diagnostic tool. If [[Radiology's Circle of Tests|Radiology]] recommends [[Clinical Correlation|clinical correlation]] after remarking on pulmonary infiltrates, please defriend them. | |
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'''Diagnosis''' | '''Diagnosis''' | ||
---- | ---- | ||
− | Diagnosis is best achieved through diagnostic kits, whose status is currently listed as "theoretical" in the United States despite being 3 months into the pandemic. With the eventual coordination of | + | Diagnosis is best achieved through diagnostic kits, whose status is currently listed as "theoretical" in the United States despite being 3 months into the pandemic. With the eventual coordination of U.S. private and public sectors, over 1 million flawed kits are expected to be available by the end of March 2020. The optimal specimen is an upper respiratory tract sample obtained via nasopharyngeal swab. The U.S. has had difficulty obtaining appropriate specimens, though this is largely attributable to frontline OB/GYNs collecting samples from the vagina and not the nasopharynx.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/ob-gyns-swabbing-vaginas-covid-19/ Habit, I Guess: OB/GYNs Accidentally Swabbing Vaginas for COVID-19 (Gomerblog)]</ref> |
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− | The optimal specimen is an upper respiratory tract sample obtained via nasopharyngeal swab | ||
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'''Prevention''' | '''Prevention''' | ||
---- | ---- | ||
− | There are no known vaccines at the moment for the public to refuse. | + | There are no known vaccines at the moment for the public to refuse. |
'''Treatments''' | '''Treatments''' | ||
---- | ---- | ||
− | Treatment is largely supportive in the form of excess toilet paper | + | Treatment is largely supportive in the form of excess toilet paper.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/brilliant-butthole-sign-diagnostic-tp-hoarding/ Study: ‘Brilliant Butthole Sign’ Diagnostic of TP Hoarding (Gomerblog)]</ref><ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/breaking-covid-19-found-in-toilet-paper/ Breaking: COVID-19 Found in Toilet Paper I(Gomerblog)]</ref> There are currently no known treatments for '''COVID-19'''. Interventions such as prayer, screaming "WHY GOD WHY?!" and remdesivir are currently ongoing. A study involving Kaletra (lopinavir/ritonavir) produced disappointing results, as did the ones that looked at [[Sodium Bicarbonate|sodium barb]] and [[Precordial Thump|precordial thumps]]. There was controversy when French health minister, Olivier Véran, warned that [[NSAIDs]] should be avoided In patients with confirmed '''COVID-19'''. This recommendation has not been adopted in the United States due to large opposition on behalf of military health care professionals who state that eliminating [[NSAIDs]] essentially eliminates all that a military health care professional can offer. |
'''Special Considerations''' | '''Special Considerations''' | ||
---- | ---- | ||
− | * ''Supply of N95 respirators & surgical masks'' - Supplies have been dwindling worldwide. U.S. Surgeon General Jerome Adams tweeted "STOP BUYING MASKS!" to Americans, though this had little impact on the American supply chain. Adams ultimately was caught hoarding masks, but their reintroduction into the health care system only bought another week of time.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/surgeon-general-jerome-adams-caught-hoarding-n95-masks/ COVID-19: U.S. Surgeon General Caught Hoarding All of Nation’s Masks (Gomerblog)]</ref> Decreased availability of N95 respirators has forced health care professionals to use lower quality N94, N93, N92, N91, N90, N89, N88, N87, N86, N85, N84, N83, N82, N81, N80, N79, N78, N77, N76, N75, N74, N73, N72, N71, N70, N69, N68, N67, N66, N65, N64, N63, N62, N61, N60, N59, N58, N57, N56, N55, N54, N53, N52, N51, N50, N49, N48, N47, N46, N45, N44, N43, N42, N41, N40, N39, N38, N37, N36, N35, N34, N33, N32, N31, N30, N29, N28, N27, N26, N25, N24, N23, N22, N21, N20, N19, N18, N17, N16, N15, N14, N13, N12, N11, N10, N9, N8, N7, N6, N5, N4, N3, N2, and N1 masks, and even these are running low. The supply of surgical masks has also been depleted even though '''COVID-19''' hasn't peaked. The [[Centers for Disease Control and Prevention]] has suggested the use of homemade PPE such as bandanas and scarves as a last resort. Gomerblog has suggested other creative items should the supply of bandanas and scarves become depleted. Some of these include: sweaty sports cup, jock strap, pantyhose, turtleneck (pulled upwards), winter cap (pulled downwards), Saran Wrap, large condom, tampons (placed in nostrils), ski or SCUBA masks, snorkels, and horse feed bags.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/covid-19-tips-facemasks/ COVID-19 Tips: What to Do When No Facemasks Are Available (Gomerblog)]</ref> | + | * ''Supply of N95 respirators & surgical masks'' - Supplies have been dwindling worldwide. U.S. Surgeon General Jerome Adams tweeted "STOP BUYING MASKS!" to Americans, though this had little impact on the American supply chain. Adams ultimately was caught hoarding masks, but their reintroduction into the health care system only bought another week of time.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/surgeon-general-jerome-adams-caught-hoarding-n95-masks/ COVID-19: U.S. Surgeon General Caught Hoarding All of Nation’s Masks (Gomerblog)]</ref> Decreased availability of N95 respirators has forced health care professionals to use lower quality N94, N93, N92, N91, N90, N89, N88, N87, N86, N85, N84, N83, N82, N81, N80, N79, N78, N77, N76, N75, N74, N73, N72, N71, N70, N69, N68, N67, N66, N65, N64, N63, N62, N61, N60, N59, N58, N57, N56, N55, N54, N53, N52, N51, N50, N49, N48, N47, N46, N45, N44, N43, N42, N41, N40, N39, N38, N37, N36, N35, N34, N33, N32, N31, N30, N29, N28, N27, N26, N25, N24, N23, N22, N21, N20, N19, N18, N17, N16, N15, N14, N13, N12, N11, N10, N9, N8, N7, N6, N5, N4, N3, N2, and N1 masks, and even these are running low. The supply of surgical masks has also been depleted even though '''COVID-19''' hasn't peaked. The [[Centers for Disease Control and Prevention]] has suggested the use of homemade PPE such as bandanas and scarves as a last resort. Gomerblog has suggested other creative items should the supply of bandanas and scarves become depleted. Some of these include: sweaty sports cup, jock strap, pantyhose, turtleneck (pulled upwards), winter cap (pulled downwards), Saran Wrap, large condom, tampons (placed in nostrils), ski or SCUBA masks, snorkels, and horse feed bags.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/covid-19-tips-facemasks/ COVID-19 Tips: What to Do When No Facemasks Are Available (Gomerblog)]</ref> |
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− | * '' | + | * ''Supply of health care professionals'' - Contact tracing of the first U.S. cases of '''COVID-19''' led to the 2-week self-quarantine of anywhere from 40 to 200 health care workers. In the event of a patient surge, such quarantine protocols would eventually deplete the work force. Subspecialists are the most sensible back-ups given their prior training in medicine or surgery. OB/GYNs have already volunteered their services on the front line, but radiologists are already being drafted, putting them in the unique position of performing their own [[Clinical Correlation|clinical correlations]].<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/radiologist-drafted-into-direct-patient-care-forced-to-perform-own-clinical-correlation/ Radiologist Drafted Into Direct Patient Care, Forced to Perform Own Clinical Correlation (Gomerblog)]</ref> Orthopedic surgeons are relearning ICU things.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/orthopaedic-surgeons-attempting-to-re-learn-icu-things-🤦%E2%80%8D♂%EF%B8%8F/ Orthopaedic Surgeons Attempting to “Re-learn” ICU Things (Gomerblog)]</ref> In the extreme scenario shortages still persist, first-year medical students and undergraduate students contemplating a career in health care will serve as backup. |
− | * '' | + | * ''Supply of ventilators'' - It is very possible that the American trajectory of '''COVID-19''' will mimic Northern Italy's, leading to a shortage of hospital beds & ventilators. To bridge the gap, the American Medical Student Association will provide medical students who will bag patients until ventilators become available. |
− | * '' | + | * ''COVID-19's Effect on the Global Economy'' - '''COVID-19''' has arrested economic activity, causing markets to crash worldwide. The United States has been trying to combat recession with stimulus packages aimed at providing Americans with more toilet paper and [[Xanax (Alprazolam)|Xanax (alprazolam)]].<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/covid-19-house-relief-package-toilet-paper/ COVID-19: House Relief Package to Provide Billions & Billions of Dollars of Toilet Paper (Gomerblog)]</ref><ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/covid-19-congress-to-send-1000-pills-of-xanax-to-every-american/ COVID-19: Congress to Send 1,000 Pills of Xanax to Every American (Gomerblog)]</ref> It speaks volume that all of the blame thus far has been directed at '''COVID-19''', not [[Blame Anesthesia Algorithm|Anesthesia]], suggesting that the apocalypse has in fact arrived. |
− | * '' | + | * ''Match Day 2020'' - Fourth-year medical students weren't able to congregate, instead moving their celebrations online. This did not dampen their spirits as they all were excited to learn that they had matched at their respective No. 1 '''COVID-19''' hotspot.<ref>[https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/match-day-covid-19-july-1st/ Match Day! Med Students Find Out Where They’ll Be Ruling-Out COVID-19 on July 1st (Gomerblog)]</ref> Some students hope to inoculate themselves with novel coronavirus immediately after [[Match Day]] in the hopes it doesn't interrupt workflow starting on [[July Intern|July 1]]. Other students are eager to get infected at their new residency program. |
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Oh, most definitely. | Oh, most definitely. | ||
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* [https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/an-orthopaedic-surgeon-explains-coronavirus/ Gomerblog's "An Orthopedic Surgeon Explains Coronavirus"] | * [https://gomerblog.com/2020/03/an-orthopaedic-surgeon-explains-coronavirus/ Gomerblog's "An Orthopedic Surgeon Explains Coronavirus"] | ||
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Revision as of 12:36, 20 March 2020
COVID-19, also known as the novel coronavirus, was discovered in Wuhan, China on December 2019 and has been a goddamn pain-in-the-ass ever since.
Epidemiology
According to the World Health Organization, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and our friend Tim, there are currently more than 35 billion confirmed cases of COVID-19. This speaks to the huge burden of disease on human beings considering the Earth's population is less than 8 billion.
The first reports were first reported in first reports by the Chinese Centers for Disease Control and Prevention on December 2019 in the city of Wuhan, China. The first documented U.S. case occurred in a 35-year-old patient from Washington State, who returned from Wuhan on January 20, 2020. For Americans, this is when sh*t started to get real.
In a matter of months, COVID-19 had spread to all continents except Antarctica, suggesting that Antarctica has partial immunity. The World Health Organization declared that COVID-19 was officially a pandemic, thus becoming the last major medical society to realize this. With the exception of China, Taiwan, and South Korea, measures aimed at containment have failed. Bribery has failed. Most nations have opted for strategies involving mitigation or masturbation, whichever one means "to reduce the severity or spread."
In the United States, the NBA was suspended when its first player, Rudy Gobert, tested positive for coronavirus. As students or teachers tested positive for COVID-19, schools closed, including New York City's public school system, which is the largest in the country. As patients and health care professionals tested positive for COVID-19, hospitals followed suit and closed as well.[1] Social distancing was rapidly implemented (Spring Breakers in Florida were exempt), which disrupted orthopedic surgeons the most as they had to suspend bro hugs for 60 days and shelter-in-place at the hospital gym indefinitely.[2][3] Cases of PTSD spiked in the Anesthesia population on account of Sudoku supply deficits.[4] Batman was infected, thus becoming the first case of human-to-Batman transmission.[5] The situation got so dire that the CDC declared "we are effed" while aliens postponed their invasion of Earth due to concerns over COVID-19.[6][7]
Reports suggest that coronavirus is capable of moving back in time.[8]
Virology
Something about betacoronavirus and angiotensin-converting enzyme 2 (ACE2)?
Symptoms
Symptoms can range from no to yes. The most common include fever, nonproductive cough, shortness of breath, myalgias, and anorexia. Less common symptoms include sore throat, rectal prolapse, and urethral discharge. In very rare instances, it can present as a scrotal abscess.
Signs
The most concerning exam finding is the identification of a surgical mask over the patient's mouth. That can't be good.
Unlike other situations, vital signs can be quite useful. Don't be fooled: though the documented respiratory rate reads as 16, it is most likely 17. Objective fever supports subjective fevers and hypoxemia supports a patient's complaint of "I'm feeling hypoxemic." Cardiopulmonary exam findings may include tachycardia, wheezing, or crackles, but that does require making contact with the patient. Chest X-ray is an important diagnostic tool. If Radiology recommends clinical correlation after remarking on pulmonary infiltrates, please defriend them.
Differential Diagnosis
- Upper GI bleed
- Lower GI bleed
- Diabetic foot ulcer
- Aortic stenosis
- Aortic sclerosis
Diagnosis
Diagnosis is best achieved through diagnostic kits, whose status is currently listed as "theoretical" in the United States despite being 3 months into the pandemic. With the eventual coordination of U.S. private and public sectors, over 1 million flawed kits are expected to be available by the end of March 2020. The optimal specimen is an upper respiratory tract sample obtained via nasopharyngeal swab. The U.S. has had difficulty obtaining appropriate specimens, though this is largely attributable to frontline OB/GYNs collecting samples from the vagina and not the nasopharynx.[9]
Prevention
There are no known vaccines at the moment for the public to refuse.
Treatments
Treatment is largely supportive in the form of excess toilet paper.[10][11] There are currently no known treatments for COVID-19. Interventions such as prayer, screaming "WHY GOD WHY?!" and remdesivir are currently ongoing. A study involving Kaletra (lopinavir/ritonavir) produced disappointing results, as did the ones that looked at sodium barb and precordial thumps. There was controversy when French health minister, Olivier Véran, warned that NSAIDs should be avoided In patients with confirmed COVID-19. This recommendation has not been adopted in the United States due to large opposition on behalf of military health care professionals who state that eliminating NSAIDs essentially eliminates all that a military health care professional can offer.
Special Considerations
- Supply of N95 respirators & surgical masks - Supplies have been dwindling worldwide. U.S. Surgeon General Jerome Adams tweeted "STOP BUYING MASKS!" to Americans, though this had little impact on the American supply chain. Adams ultimately was caught hoarding masks, but their reintroduction into the health care system only bought another week of time.[12] Decreased availability of N95 respirators has forced health care professionals to use lower quality N94, N93, N92, N91, N90, N89, N88, N87, N86, N85, N84, N83, N82, N81, N80, N79, N78, N77, N76, N75, N74, N73, N72, N71, N70, N69, N68, N67, N66, N65, N64, N63, N62, N61, N60, N59, N58, N57, N56, N55, N54, N53, N52, N51, N50, N49, N48, N47, N46, N45, N44, N43, N42, N41, N40, N39, N38, N37, N36, N35, N34, N33, N32, N31, N30, N29, N28, N27, N26, N25, N24, N23, N22, N21, N20, N19, N18, N17, N16, N15, N14, N13, N12, N11, N10, N9, N8, N7, N6, N5, N4, N3, N2, and N1 masks, and even these are running low. The supply of surgical masks has also been depleted even though COVID-19 hasn't peaked. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has suggested the use of homemade PPE such as bandanas and scarves as a last resort. Gomerblog has suggested other creative items should the supply of bandanas and scarves become depleted. Some of these include: sweaty sports cup, jock strap, pantyhose, turtleneck (pulled upwards), winter cap (pulled downwards), Saran Wrap, large condom, tampons (placed in nostrils), ski or SCUBA masks, snorkels, and horse feed bags.[13]
- Supply of health care professionals - Contact tracing of the first U.S. cases of COVID-19 led to the 2-week self-quarantine of anywhere from 40 to 200 health care workers. In the event of a patient surge, such quarantine protocols would eventually deplete the work force. Subspecialists are the most sensible back-ups given their prior training in medicine or surgery. OB/GYNs have already volunteered their services on the front line, but radiologists are already being drafted, putting them in the unique position of performing their own clinical correlations.[14] Orthopedic surgeons are relearning ICU things.[15] In the extreme scenario shortages still persist, first-year medical students and undergraduate students contemplating a career in health care will serve as backup.
- Supply of ventilators - It is very possible that the American trajectory of COVID-19 will mimic Northern Italy's, leading to a shortage of hospital beds & ventilators. To bridge the gap, the American Medical Student Association will provide medical students who will bag patients until ventilators become available.
- COVID-19's Effect on the Global Economy - COVID-19 has arrested economic activity, causing markets to crash worldwide. The United States has been trying to combat recession with stimulus packages aimed at providing Americans with more toilet paper and Xanax (alprazolam).[16][17] It speaks volume that all of the blame thus far has been directed at COVID-19, not Anesthesia, suggesting that the apocalypse has in fact arrived.
- Match Day 2020 - Fourth-year medical students weren't able to congregate, instead moving their celebrations online. This did not dampen their spirits as they all were excited to learn that they had matched at their respective No. 1 COVID-19 hotspot.[18] Some students hope to inoculate themselves with novel coronavirus immediately after Match Day in the hopes it doesn't interrupt workflow starting on July 1. Other students are eager to get infected at their new residency program.
Are We Totally Screwed?
Oh, most definitely.
Resources
References
- Jump up ↑ U.S. Hospitals to Close After Patients Test Positive for COVID-19 (Gomerblog)
- Jump up ↑ COVID-19 Update: Orthopods Suspend Bro Hugs for 60 Days (Gomerblog)
- Jump up ↑ Orthopaedic Surgeons Directed to Shelter in Hospital Gym Until COVID-19 Clears (Gomerblog)
- Jump up ↑ COVID-19: Self-Quarantined Anesthesiologist Running Dangerous Low on Sudoku Supplies (Gomerblog)
- Jump up ↑ Breaking: Batman Diagnosed with COVID-19 (Gomerblog)
- Jump up ↑ COVID-19: CDC Says “We’re Totally Effed” in a Zombie Apocalypse (Gomerblog)
- Jump up ↑ Aliens Postpone Earth Invasion Due to Coronavirus Concerns (Gomerblog)
- Jump up ↑ WHO Warns Outbreaks In Victorian England Confirm Coronavirus Capable Of Spreading Through Time (The Onion)
- Jump up ↑ Habit, I Guess: OB/GYNs Accidentally Swabbing Vaginas for COVID-19 (Gomerblog)
- Jump up ↑ Study: ‘Brilliant Butthole Sign’ Diagnostic of TP Hoarding (Gomerblog)
- Jump up ↑ Breaking: COVID-19 Found in Toilet Paper I(Gomerblog)
- Jump up ↑ COVID-19: U.S. Surgeon General Caught Hoarding All of Nation’s Masks (Gomerblog)
- Jump up ↑ COVID-19 Tips: What to Do When No Facemasks Are Available (Gomerblog)
- Jump up ↑ Radiologist Drafted Into Direct Patient Care, Forced to Perform Own Clinical Correlation (Gomerblog)
- Jump up ↑ Orthopaedic Surgeons Attempting to “Re-learn” ICU Things (Gomerblog)
- Jump up ↑ COVID-19: House Relief Package to Provide Billions & Billions of Dollars of Toilet Paper (Gomerblog)
- Jump up ↑ COVID-19: Congress to Send 1,000 Pills of Xanax to Every American (Gomerblog)
- Jump up ↑ Match Day! Med Students Find Out Where They’ll Be Ruling-Out COVID-19 on July 1st (Gomerblog)