Old as F**k Attending
An old-as-f**k attending is any attending who immediately makes you think, "F**k, that doctor is f**king old!"
The gold standard is autopsy, which may occur within minutes of meeting the old sucker. Short of that, there are several traits that are considered pathognomonic for the near-dead attending, also known as Old F**ker, M.D., Dr. Geri McFartson, or Dr. Gomer:
- Either is napping or dead
- A kyphotic spine bends old-as-f**k attending into a question mark, as if you ask, "Am I alive? Still?"
- Hair is whiter than white coat
- Heavy snoring while asleep or awake
- Uses the term "whippersnapper"
He's gonna keel over any... moment... now...