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McDonald's is an American hamburger and fast food chain that serves heart disease to approximately 68 million customers daily in over 120 countries worldwide. Created in 1948 by Richard and Maurice McDonald based on assembly-line techniques used in the auto industry, McDonald's was created to ensure generations upon generations of doctors had obese patients to treat, and is the main reason why aspirin, statins, and cardiologists are so prevalent. In 1955, Ray Kroc joined the company, purchased the chain from the McDonalds, and ensured that obesity would become the epidemic that it currently is and will be for a very, very long time.

The Logo

The famous double arch symbolizes two consecutive tombstone ST elevations on ECG. The red background indicates the heart while the yellow arches indicate lipid-laden thrombotic plaques, which together signify coronary artery disease. Heart disease caused by a McDonald's meal is called a McFarction and is best paired with a McCatheterization.[1]


The McDonald's menu is extensive, but here are some of their classics:

  1. Big Mac - The Big Mac is made up of two whole cows, a "special sauce" made mostly of Ronald McDonald's plasma, lettuce, American cheese, pickles, onions, and three-part sesame bun. Nutrition facts: 1 item contains 550,000 calories and makes up over 90% of one's lifetime value of total fat intake.
  2. Quarter Pounder with Cheese - This burger contains 4.25 ounces of fat, sandwiched in between fat and more fat and a liberal sprinkling of lard. And then some American cheese. Make sure to add some ketchup so you can say you had some vegetables in this meal.
  3. 20-Piece Chicken McNuggets - This is Dr. 99's favorite meal at McDonald's, a large part having to due with the fact that it's 20 unknown pieces of the chicken: it could be the beak, the claw, the eye, even the spleen. It's like a piñata of goodies without the bat and the blindfold.
  4. French fries - Hands down, McDonald's French fries definitely make the tastiest form of volume overload.
  5. The McRib - A limited special but a cult favorite, these delicious synthetic slices of meat are actually made from slowly-cooked cuts of Ronald McDonald's own ribs. In one word: delicious.

Secret Menu

That's right, there's a secret menu: 5 Secret McDonald’s Menu Items You Have To Order[2]

New Menu

McDonald's hoped to stem the obesity epidemic with the introduction of salads and other healthy food items. However, they learned quickly that if people are showing up to McDonald's, they ain't ordering from the salad section. Instead, McDonald's thought outside the box and that's when they decided to introduce Extra Value Meals with blood pressure, cholesterol, and diabetic medications blended in.[3] The idea was praised among consumers, health advocates, and rival competitors, and soon other companies copied the formula for success. Cinnabon owes its creation of insulinabons to McDonald's revolutionary strategy, as does Chipotle and its distribution of free antibiotics.[4][5]

Did You Know

  1. Did you know that if a patient brings in their medications to clinic in an oily McDonald's bag, then they must be 100% compliant with diet and medications?[6]
  2. Did you know that the field of cardiology makes advances more so than any other subspecialty because the menu of McDonald's forces them to keep pace?[7]
  3. Did you know McDonald's prints calorie counts directly onto the meat?[8]

Related Items


  1. Breaking: Ronald McDonald Suffers ST-Elevation McFarction (Gomerblog)
  2. 5 Secret McDonald’s Menu Items You Have To Order (ClickHole)
  3. McDonald’s Introduces Value Meals With Cholesterol and Diabetes Medications Blended In (Gomerblog)
  4. Cinnabon Creates New Insulin Rolls: Insulinabons (Gomerblog)
  5. Chipotle to Win Back Customer Trust by Giving Away Free Antibiotics (Gomerblog)
  6. Clinic Patient Brings Meds in McDonald’s Bag, Must Be Compliant (Gomerblog)
  7. Cardiologists Now Deploying Bacon-Eluting Stents (Gomerblog)
  8. McDonald's Prints Calorie Count Right Onto Meat (The Onion)

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